I'm Not An Intellectual But I Play One On TV

Being famous doesn't make you smart...It just means that a lot of people know who you are and it gives you a really big audience to be ridiculous in front of. 

Why am I writing about this today? Maybe because I've had a fever since Sunday, I'm on a bunch of antibiotics that are making me nauseous. I'm bored and maybe a little grumpy, so I've been playing around on the internet and inadvertently stumbled across something that really blew my mind. It was a collection of 4th of July Tweets, which were posted by celebrities. Most of them were upbeat and positive...the stuff you would expect. And then there were the ones that made me do the mother of all eyerolls. I won't bore you with all of the hate and vitriol, you can Google it for yourselves. It was along the lines of 'America sucks, America is bad, America is oppressive' and so on and so forth. The one that really got my attention was the one from Chris Rock. He said:

"Happy white peoples independence day the slaves weren't free but I'm sure they enjoyed fireworks."


Here's the thing. I'm not going to debate his right to say that. He has every right AS AN AMERICAN to say whatever snarcastic (my new word) things he likes. I'm 100% in favor of free speech....messy as it is sometimes. I personally happen to think what he said was ridiculous and divisive and an insult to African Americans all across the US...most importantly every African American veteran or soldier who is currently deployed who put themselves in harm's way to protect Chris Rock's right to say whatever dumb thing impulsively pops out of his mouth. Of course that's just my opinion. Apparently some people thought it was really funny and they 'got it' and agreed with him.  Oh, well...As Grandma used to say: "It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round." Historically speaking, he was kind of right but kind of wrong at the same time. Sadly, he probably doesn't even know exactly what he is saying. He just thinks he knows. That can be a dangerous thing.

http://www.pbs.org/wnet/slavery/timeline/1776.html

What gets me about Chris Rock and countless other celebrities is that they use their power of influence by making flip remarks or fevered political or humanitarian statements without really having any real grasp of (A) all of the facts or (B) the impact of what they are saying to impressionable people who (for whatever reason) are sadly looking to them as role models. I don't have a problem with famous people stating their opinions, I'm against the rest of us regular folks looking to them for wisdom and letting ourselves be mentally manipulated by people who are essentially entertainers and actors and of course, politicians. (You're saying to yourself...'what's the difference?') Anyway, these people have publicists and media experts managing their careers whose sole purpose is to get and keep their clients as popular and as visible as possible. They will say and do anything to keep themselves in the public eye including stirring the pot and creating dissent. Yes, some of them really mean well and their hearts are in the right place. Some do amazing charity work and mobilize people to do incredible things for their fellow man. It just bothers me when I see people blindly following and believing celebrities and their agendas and causes without seeking the facts for themselves to ensure that they are really and truly on board with what their favorite celebrity is advocating.

The solution? Do your own research. Everything you need to know is one click away. Find out the truth for yourself and then, by all means, align yourself with whomever you feel best represents you and your core beliefs. And try to remember this:

“Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself.
Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes.” Proverbs 26:4-5

Look, maybe Chris Rock just made a bad joke. Maybe he was having an off day. It's possible, I guess. Let's face it, all of us have said things that we didn't mean or just got all wrong, myself most definitely included. I'm just a regular person. I have a very small audience and little or no influence on the world at large. Still, I say dumb stuff sometimes and hope others will give me grace and hopefully another chance. So...Chris Rock, if you're reading this: I forgive you for being irresponsible with your remarks to your fans on July 4th. I know this is a massive relief to you. You're welcome.

If you want further proof that famous people say dumb things, here you go. Most of these made me laugh out loud:

This one is one of my personal favorites from Tom Cruise who has a whole selection of silly quotes dedicated solely to him.

"I will never be done with love. Never, never. I love relationships and I love women. I’m going to get married again. I’ll never give up on that." 

He also said: "There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance."

(I wonder what Oprah thinks about that particular statement, don't you?)

Here's the site: http://www.legendsofamerica.com/qu-celebritystupid.html 

If that's not enough side-splitting fun for one day, here you go: 

http://www.2spare.com/item_83287.aspx

See, Chris...no worries. You're in good company. 

One Parting thought: As Malcom Forbes said..."The dumbest people I've ever known are the ones who know everything."  

That certainly puts me out of the running! :0)

Blessings,

~Cat

No Nitpicking Makes For A Lousy Summer

Ahh, the good old summertime. Texas style. Blue cloudless skies, sizzling sultry days, sprinklers whirring, lemonade and popsicle stands sprouting up, the smell of outdoor BBQ, squeals of laughter and then, of course, there's the inevitable sound of my bored children bickering.  My least favorite sound in the world (right up there with nails on a chalkboard, Marks-a-Lot on cardboard and Styrofoam rubbing together) would have to be hearing my kids fussing at each other over petty and mostly ridiculous offenses towards one another. I like to think I am a pretty patient mom but the arguing really sparks something in me and I just get righteously annoyed when my kids get into it with each other.

At the beginning of the summer I would lovingly get involved- kind of like a concerned therapist with a neutral attitude- and I would help them calmly sort things out. I would say things like: "Michael, how did it make you feel when Patrick stole your Lego and then kicked you in the knee when you tried to get it back?" and then: "Patrick, it's disrespectful to kick your brother in the knee. Please apologize." That lasted for a few weeks. My approach then morphed into something more along the lines of house detective as I became determined to figure out who was instigating the problems. "WHO STARTED IT?" is something you might have heard me asking in my authoritative mom voice. "I want to know who touched who first!" This would be answered with a trio of mumbled "I dunno's" in unison followed by three identical shoulder shrugs. Tell me this: Why is it that they can be going at it like prizefighters but when mom steps in, suddenly they stick together tighter than spandex on an opera singer? I don't get that. Another of the many mysteries of childhood psychology that eludes me.

It seems to me that as the temperatures creep up into triple digits, my level of patience sinks to practically zero. Here lately, if there is any kind of scuffle coming from the direction of where my kids are playing I just walk into the family room and belt out "KNOCK IT OFF RIGHT NOW!!!" to no one in particular. No questions, no fact finding, no interest whatsoever as to the cause or blame. Just squash it immediately before it turns ugly. Maybe I won't be up for parent of the year this year but it seems to be working. The incidences of nitpicking and griping are way down and that makes Mama happy.

Speaking of  'nit picking'...I was recently appalled to discover that for the first time ever...our family had become the unwilling hosts at a party we never planned. Yep, that's right. Head lice. "Eeewwww" you might be saying to yourself right now. That's okay...I couldn't agree with you more. I said it a lot myself at the beginning. Then I did what all moms do in a crisis. I rolled up my sleeves, girded my loins, got all my ducks in a row and then sat down at my trusty laptop to surf the net in an effort to discern what the best course of action might be. I mean, this is war, right? I'm not fooling around with this nonsense for a second longer than necessary. The result? I got lucky and I found the perfect one, two punch to get rid of lice immediately and for good and it was completely NON-TOXIC! Since I'm a nice guy, I'm going to share my new found wisdom with you just in case you ever find yourselves in the same situation.

First thing you can't do without? A Robi Comb.

 I can't say enough good things about this nifty little gizmo. One AA battery and you are off to the races on your hunt for the lousy little critters. Mattie and I actually made a game out of this and laughed until we cried and I had to make a detour to the potty to avoid an embarrassing incident. It really was actually fun. We got a Ziploc bag and turned on the comb and as it finds lice or the little eggs, it ZAPS them with an electric current and they stay in the comb for you to brush into the bag. "Bzzzz" the little comb would say and then Mattie would open her bag and say "trick or treat" or "buggies for the baggie" and we would laugh like hyenas. The best thing is that this comb can be used indefinitely to detect and kill any lice. Great product that really does what it says it does.

The second thing you absolutely must have is this: Lice Freee Spray.

This is totally non-toxic which is great because you can use it as often as needed and it is safe. Best part is you probably won't need to use it again because it actually kills any active lice and the eggs instantly. I treated everyone in the family even though only 3 of us had symptoms. You simply spray it in, comb it through with the little metal comb, and let it dry naturally. This worked for all of us without fail. Only one use and all the lice were gone and we never saw them again. Killed the eggs, too. Awesome stuff.
The only down side (which didn't bother any of us) is that it has a strong smell of Anise or black licorice. If you don't like that smell, this may be a problem for you. Still, I would use it anyway. It works!

Of course we followed conventional wisdom and it was a lot of work to wash all the linens and vacuum the mattresses and the furniture, etc. We made it into a war game and the kids really got into it. "Kill the buggies!!" we would say as we dragged the sheets to the laundry room. "Take no prisoners!" I would shout as we sprayed each other down out on the back deck. "I won't say it twice...death to lice" and so on. It was a team effort and we were victorious.

Last year we had the summer of Strep. This year, major surgery, recovery and various episodes of nit picking.  (Don't even get me started about the dog getting sick all over the carpet.) I'm not gonna lie... I really need a vacation! We are getting ready for our annual sojourn to Dallas and to the Rocky Mountains of Colorado to visit  family. Yes, 20 hours in the car (with the dog) is always an adventure. There will be laughter. There will be Buc-ees and turkey jerky. There will be multiple potty emergencies. There will be beautiful countryside to admire. Mostly it will be great fun but sometimes it will be lousy. (Not literally, I hope). There will be barking and there will be bickering. So, here's to the Kingsbury road trip extravaganza. We may be a mess but I don't mind. Come what may, I love my family and I love summer. Happy trails, everyone.

Summer blessings,

~Cat

I'm Sexy and I Know It

Okay, okay...simmer down. I know you want to run for the hills but before you get all pious and pinchy in the face with righteous indignation and become all judgmental and skeptical and whatnot...gird your loins and hear me out. I'm going somewhere with this.

Let me start by saying that first of all, I've been monogamously married to the same man for 15 years. Sex is not a dirty word. Second of all, I'm forty-(nunnayobizness) years old and have some pretty solid life experience behind me to share and third of all...I'm three weeks post-op from a hysterectomy/prolapse repair surgery and the only thing going on in my bedroom these days involves a lot of reading and channel surfing and some epic napping. So why the racy title? Because this is my final chapter in the whole hysterectomy journey saga and I'd like to end it with a bang. (Pun most cleverly intended!) ;0)

You see, I came into this whole experience with a lot of pre-conceived notions, most of which were obtained by second hand information both from well meaning friends and family and from reading (often horror) stories of those who had boldly gone before me and then decided to post about it on the internet. I cannot stress to you enough how much I wish I had NEVER looked up 'hysterectomy, prolapse repair success stories' online. Talk about TMI!! Nope, no more seeking medical information online for me. Just ratchets up the anxiety level and who needs that?

One of  the recurring themes that I encountered most often was that after hysterectomy, a person's libido could be permanently adversely affected.  As one woman in an online forum put it: "When my husband looks at me in that way, I want to run and hide." YIKES! I won't lie...this was my #1 concern (aside from not waking up from the anesthesia) going into surgery. I'm in a healthy happy marriage and intimacy is a big deal. I did not want to lose that part of our life together and for it to be all my fault. I fretted and read more stuff and the more I read, the more I fretted. Typical of me. In the end, I did what I should have done right from the beginning. I prayed and asked God to have His way in my life and my health and my marriage and just gave it all to Him. What else can you do?

My surgery was a success. They removed my uterus, which was rather enlarged. I also had a fluid filled Fallopian tube that had expanded and was basically like a water balloon. I am so glad to have all of that out! Aside from some setbacks here and there, I am recovering well and healing slowly but surely. I am so grateful for all of the excellent care I received from the doctors and nurses at Woman's Hospital of Texas. I'm glad it's over and glad to be home resting. And there's another thing I'm glad about...

Two weeks after my surgery, I had showered and done my hair and put on a cute little sundress and a little makeup just so I could feel human again. I was standing in the bathroom, brushing my hair and my husband came in and said "Wow, you look so beautiful, honey." We stood looking in the mirror at each other for a moment and all of the familiar feelings came rushing back. Maybe even a little stronger than before. Suffice it to say that even though I can't do anything about it for a few more weeks, (wink, wink...nudge nudge) I have most definitely NOT "lost that lovin' feeling." (Said with a big grin and an emphatic fist pump).

So...why am I risking embarrassing myself by telling you all of this? Because it is SO important to me to get the message out there to anyone, young or older, who has to go through this surgery (either now or in the future) that there is hope. That not only can you feel better physically, it is not a death sentence for your love life. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Even if it isn't right at first, my doctor assured me that there are things that can be done to help along the way. Just trust and all will be well. Also, do yourself a favor and try to stay off the internet.

Just as I prayed, I'm already feeling that when all is said and done, I'll be stronger than I've ever been. Healthier than I've been in a long time and back to my sassy self again very soon. It may take some time but I'm content in the knowledge that everything is as it should be. You never know...I might be taking up Zumba in a few weeks. Better look out, David. Hey, if you're lucky I might even give you a running start.

Me, sexy? You better know it.

Blessings,
~Cat

The Old 'Switcheroo'

My mom used to say "The only thing permanent in life is change." It's been 3 years since she passed away and I'm beginning to realize that my mom said a lot of cool stuff that I ignored because, well...she was my mom. Sometimes I wish I would have listened to her a little more. But that's not really where I was going with this.

What made me think of that particular quote has to do with some events that transpired last week. As most of you already know...I'm scheduled to have a hysterectomy on May 9th. I have been through several emotional ups and downs since deciding to go forward with the surgery but was glad to finally have all of the logistics buttoned down and was basically just ticking days off the calendar until the big day. I was finally in a place of peace about the whole thing. Silly of me, I suppose. In one phone call to the doctor's office, all of our well laid plans were upended and now there is stress and a mess. Change.

It all started because I got a notice from my oldest son's teacher and realized that his spring play was taking place on the same day at the same time as my pre-op consult. Naturally, I am not willing to miss the play so I wanted to reschedule my appointment. After holding for a  l-o-n-g time, I was connected to my doctor's nurse. "Oh, Mrs. Kingsbury" she said..."We were going to call you." Ugh. That is never good, right? "The thing is," she continued, "your Dr. is retiring on April 27th." Retiring? What the what? I just scheduled this surgery less than 2 months ago. I felt gut-punched. I was angry and confused. My first instinct was to let her have it with both barrels but thankfully, I didn't obey that instinct. (That's probably because over the years, my first instinct hasn't always yielded the best results, if you know what I mean. At least I'm living and learning in that regard). So I was just quiet and I listened. Totally out of character for me. Ha!

The nurse went on to quickly 'reassure' me that my surgery was still on the schedule with another Dr. and that my pre-op consult could take place on May 2 in order to allow me to go to my son's play and wouldn't that all work out quite nicely? Wow. I just sat on the other end of the line with my mouth literally hanging open. Seriously? I'm scheduled for surgery without my knowledge with a doctor I've never even met and nobody has even bothered to consult me first? Not cool. I don't know when they were planning to let me in on that little tidbit. Good thing I called, huh? My husband has rearranged his work schedule to take time off to care for me. My in-laws have already booked airline tickets to come and help out. I don't have a lot of time to figure out a plan B. I was upset, to put it mildly.

As it turns out, there is a very legitimate and understandable reason for my Dr. suddenly retiring without much notice. I won't go into it here. There is also a reason why I am not feeling secure or comfortable with the Dr. they have rescheduled me with (won't go into that, either). I'm glad I was not openly angry or confrontational on the phone. Wouldn't have done any good and would have made me appear foolish and without compassion. I do have compassion and I do care. The thing is, I have some big decisions to make in a short time. I won't lie...it's all a bit overwhelming.

The funny thing is, I really do see God in this situation. I know that none of this comes as a surprise to Him. I know He already has the solution in place. The problem is that it came as a surprise to me. I am trying my best to strike a balance between trusting God to work it all out in my best interests and taking the appropriate action required to ensure the best possible outcome. Not an easy line to walk when emotions are high and other peoples lives and schedules are involved. My prayer today is that God will illuminate my path forward and give me the discernment I need to recognize His will and to have the peace that comes with knowing what He would have me do. I could really use your prayers right now, my friends. Thanks in advance.

Yes, change is a constant in life. Thankfully, so are grace and mercy. I'll be needing a lot of both in the weeks to come. As of now, my surgery is still scheduled for May 9th. If that doesn't work out, I guess I'll just have to stop, drop to my knees and then roll with the changes. Either way, I'll keep you posted.

Blessings,

~Cat

Next Stop: Get A Gripsville

Okay, so where we left off last time was not exactly a happy place for me. Crying on the phone to my poor, unsuspecting husband in the middle of a crowded restaurant about my impending hysterectomy. Not to mention that even though I wanted excessive amounts of chocolate to make me feel better, I'd given it up until Easter. *sigh* Luckily, I've never been one to linger long in an unhappy place. Is that because I'm strong and optimistic and resolute? Well, maybe I am all of those things. Probably, though, it has more to do with the fact that I get bored easily and have the attention span of a gnat. Either way, it serves me well. I'm not one to wallow in the pity pit or hold a grudge. Frankly, I just don't have the stamina for it. I had my moment of public boo-hooing. It was time for me to get a grip and quit feeling sorry for myself. At least for the moment, anyway. (Just promise you won't hold me to it, okay?)

In the following days, I resigned myself to the idea that it was time for my extraneous uterus to be relegated to the same great beyond as where my stone-filled gallbladder and one damaged Fallopian tube have already gone. Reminded me a little of old an Chevy truck, losing a part here or a screw there but chugging along happily nevertheless. While on this train of thought I was reminded of the NASA spacecrafts which use up their valuable components and then jettison them as soon as they become redundant in order to complete their important mission. I've settled on the rocket analogy, as it seems to fit a bit better with my psyche than comparing myself to an old Chevy truck. Once again...I digress.

Though I decided to come to terms with the whole idea of this surgery, let me let you all in on a little secret. I spent a few days mourning my uterus. Sounds ridiculous doesn't it? But I did. I cried and grieved and I still may not be done yet. There is just something so final about having your uterus removed that is just hard to explain rationally to anyone who is not in this situation. I know I don't want to have any more kids. Funny thing is that my intellect is totally on board with the necessity of this journey. My heart, however, is still back at the station trying to decide whether or not to buy the ticket.

As someone who went through seven years of infertility I spent many a day, month after month, year after year cursing the inability and ineffectiveness of my 'lady parts' for not being able to get the job done. Conversely, after two successful IVF cycles, one of which resulted in twins which I carried for 35 weeks and had without a C-section, I was joyfully praising the same parts I had been cursing before. Lots of conflicting emotions circle around the issue (no pun intended) of my female anatomy. Three beautiful children and the fulfillment of a life-long dream later, this hysterectomy feels kind of like the end of an era. I guess I've never been very good at endings. Beginnings are just more fun, aren't they?

In the last day or so, I've turned a corner in this process. The date of my surgery has been scheduled (May 9th) and I know what's coming. Having a hysterectomy and prolapse surgery (don't ask) is not going to be fun. It will be painful and I will need to take it easy and nurture myself through the recovery process. I will have to allow others to help me and that is not always easy for me. Though I am dreading the procedure itself, I am beginning to look forward to the outcome. I am seeing a silver lining in my stormy sky. My sweet husband is taking 10 days off of work to take care of me. We will have time alone together while the kids are at school. My in-laws are coming to help out with the kids the second week and they are all so excited to see their grandparents. I will be free of the health problems that have been pestering me for the last two years. See? All good things.

As I've been praying about this situation, God has repeated the same message to me in numerous ways and I am believing and trusting what He says. That I will be stronger than I've ever been in the months and years to come. That I will be in better physical, emotional and spiritual health. That my best days are in front of me and that I will continue to be blessed as He uses me and my life to be a blessing in the lives of others. My job is to surrender to the process and trust in His goodness and mercy. I've invited Him to 'get a grip' on me and never let me go. He holds me now and always and I am going to rest in that. I'm standing on His promises and I really like the view from here. In fact, if I squint a little, I think I can see chocolate on the horizon!

Please take a moment to watch this video of a couple of songs that I was so honored to be able to sing with David and Nicole Binion when they were visiting Lakewood Church last month. These songs have been speaking to my spirit and give me such hope. They are the anthem of my life during this season and have really blessed me as I hope they bless you.

Blessings,

~Cat

A Sentimental Journey...Grace and Chocolate

*Sigh*

I've been debating about writing this. It is very personal and may not be relevant to everyone. So, I almost chose to go through this next chapter of my life silently and without comment. Almost. Then I remembered why I started this blog in the first place. To give my children (and hopefully theirs) a window into who I am and what I think about life and family and faith, etc. Someday, I hope they will read these blog entries and feel connected to who I am. I also hope that anyone who reads what I have to say can relate and will have the assurance that they are not alone out there. In light of that, I am going to bring you all along on a journey with me. Feel free to jump off the train at any time if you're not enjoying the scenery. I won't take it personally.

Let me set the scene for you. I'm sitting on the table in my OBGYN's office waiting for her to come in. I'm nervous. Feeling vulnerable as ever under the little square sheet. Like many women, some of the most dramatic moments of my life, both negative and positive, were played out in a setting such as this. Waiting to hear the verdict in any number of different scenarios. Today I'm feeling particularly apprehensive. I know something is not right. I've know it for a while now. Enter Dr. Patrice Firpo. She is awesome. She is bubbly. She is extremely knowledgeable, honest, direct and caring. She is everything I like my doctor to be. I'm so grateful to have found her. Especially now.

She starts talking and I'm hearing words tossed around. Fibroids, anemia, prolapse, hydrosalpynx, surgery and then THE word I was hoping not to hear. Hysterectomy. My stomach drops and my heart kicks it up a notch and somewhere from deep within me I feel a silent moan surfacing, "Noooooo!" My eyes fill with tears but I breathe deeply and pull it together. I tell myself to suck it up and pay attention. I need to ask questions and get all of the information I can. I have some big decisions to make. In this moment, even though I am not by myself, I feel terribly alone. The decision is mine, no one can make it for me.

I walk out of the exam room a little in shock and somehow changed. Older. Defective. Empty. Must be something about that word. Hysterectomy. I hate that word. Reminds me of the word hysterical. Then I laugh to myself, "Hey, maybe it's not such a bad thing to have a hysteria-ectomy. I could use a little more peace and a little less hysteria in my life, right?" Might as well laugh if you can't cry.

I want my mommy. I want my husband. I want to push the rewind button and hear a different diagnosis. I tell myself, "stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's not cancer, it could be so much worse. People have this done all the time and they are just fine. Think about it...no more periods, ever. No more pain. It'll be an improvement. You'll feel better after the recovery, etc..." I'm trying to see the silver lining, here. It's not really working that well but at least I'm trying. I start praying for strength.

As I emerge, squinting into the grey glare of the rainy day and head toward my car, I'm suddenly hungry. I want a big, juicy burger and a chocolate sundae with extra hot fudge because everything feels better after chocolate, right? But I'm in Kingwood and I don't know my way around and I'm really not in the mood to go exploring right now. I spot a Jason's Deli across the street. Resignedly, I get in the car and head over to eat a healthy lunch telling myself that there will be an opportunity for chocolate later.

I find a table in the farthest corner of the restaurant and open the book I brought with me, hoping to distract myself. I ALWAYS have a book with me or on Nook so that no matter where I am, I won't ever be bored. Today, I am reading the same line in my book over and over and it is not penetrating my cluttered brain. I decide that a restaurant filled with a noisy lunchtime crowd might just be the best place to call David and tell him my news. He is always my rock. My anchor in the storm. I know he will make me feel better. He answers on the second ring and the moment I hear the deep timbre of his voice, I realize my mistake. The emotion of the day is triggered by that familiar voice that I know and love so well and I am overcome. I immediately begin sobbing right in the middle of Jason's Deli all over my Chicken Caesar Wrap. Great. Just great. Yes, I'm going to need plenty of chocolate for this one. Jumbo Godiva Dark chocolate. Nothing less will do. Add to that the sweet grace and mercy of God and the loving arms of my husband. If I have all of that, I can do this thing. Let the journey begin...

~To be continued~

Blessings,
~Cat

Who Do You Think You're Talking To?

**WARNING: I"M MAD...This post contains passionate language that may make you uncomfortable. If it does, good. That means it is probably meant for you. Most of you will agree with me and will feel as strongly about this issue as I do. If so, then obviously this post is not directed at you.**

I saw something today that completely pushed me over the edge. I have officially, completely reached my capacity for patience when it comes to observing the way some people out there talk (and I'm using the term 'talk' loosely here) to their children. If you are one of the people I have seen out and about screaming at, demeaning, cursing out, belittling, or otherwise abusing your children publicly (I shudder to think what you do in private) then this is for you...

There is absolutely NO excuse for your behavior. None whatsoever. Zero. Zip. I don't care what excuse you make, I will not accept it. Go ahead and try me. I can counter you excuse for excuse. In fact, here are a few I've heard that hold absolutely no weight with me: (To clarify:  I'm not talking about normal, run of the mill fussing at your kids or having the occasional inevitable melt down, we all do that. I'm talking about chronic verbal and physical abuse and dismissive and demeaning interactions that demoralize children).

• The "My parents did it to me and I turned out just fine" excuse. 

Really? You sure about that? If you learned to repeat the behavior of your parents who treated you badly then I would call that a less than stellar outcome. Ask yourself: How did I feel when my parents called me names or didn't listen to me or screamed at me in front of other people or hit me instead of talking to me? Was that okay with you? If so, keep on doing what you're doing. You're continuing a legacy, after all. If that's what you want to pass along down through future generations I suppose that's your prerogative. Only problem is, it doesn't just affect you and yours. It trickles into the lives of everyone around you. It contaminates our society and our ability to communicate productively and peacefully. Your kids learn to speak disrespectfully from you and they learn intolerance from you and they learn to demean others from you and then they go out into the world and spread it around. Then it affects my kids. I guess you think that's "just fine." Well, a lot of us don't happen to agree with you. I'll just speak for myself, here...It is NOT fine with me.

• The "I don't know any better way" excuse.

Good for you for at least acknowledging that you have a problem but that's just not going to cut it. I have heard this excuse come out of the mouths of many a person. It never ceases to baffle me that someone would be aware that they are hurting their kids because they don't have healthy parenting skills and yet do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it. Buy a book. Take a class. Ask a friend or mentor for help. Watch a video on YouTube, for crying out loud. Oh, wait...I can hear it now..."I can't afford books." Really? Go to the library. "I don't have time, I'm a single mom." "I'm a busy stay home mom. I have too much on my plate." Poor you...Boo flippin' hoo. How about you make the time. Make it a priority. Give up something. Make an INVESTMENT of your money, time, resources, etc. to become a better parent if it does not come naturally to you. Saying that you don't know of a better way just means that you haven't made the effort to educate yourself because obviously it is not that important to you. There is a better way. Figure it out. Your children are depending on you. So is the rest of the world, by the way.

• The "It's their fault for getting on my nerves or behaving badly" excuse.

No question. Our children will challenge us, test us, try us and make us temporarily insane from time to time. That's what kids DO. I won't lie...there are moments when I lose my temper and get frustrated and raise my voice at my kids. Everyone does. It just goes with the territory. The question is, who is in control? If you constantly find yourself losing control, then there's your answer. I tried an experiment once and started whispering at my kids while they were in the middle of an argument. They all stopped talking in order to hear what I was saying. Kids get immune to yelling. They tune it out. Let's face it...yelling is not that effective and usually doesn't do much good. There are other approaches that do. The point is that kids behave badly and get on your nerves because they are kids and they don't know better. As parents, we are supposed to set limits and create an environment of learning so that they will learn to control themselves and become responsible little people. Children emulate and model their behavior after their parents. How will they ever learn control from you if you are out of control yourself? Think about it.

And just who do you think you are talking to, anyway? You want to know who you are treating like that? Never mind that they are your kids. Just who are they? Only the future. Just the people you and I will be depending on to sustain us and our world as we grow older. They are only future policy makers and physicians and scientists and skilled laborers who will build the roads and bridges and airplanes and automobiles that carry us around. Potential food growers and world leaders. It's not like they matter or anything, right? Who cares if they have low self esteem and feel like they are no good or stupid or aren't worth bothering with? Seriously...get a clue!

I could go on and on here but I'm not going to. I think you get the point. I get so heated about this because I was raised in a physically and verbally abusive environment. I have every excuse in the world to be a lousy parent but guess what? I'm a good mom because I CHOOSE to be. I'm not perfect by anyone's standards but I'm doing everything in my power to break off the generational curse of abuse, neglect and selfishness that is prevalent in my family history. I choose to make a difference every day because I know it matters so much. Because I love my children so much, I don't just want them to be happy, I want them to be better as a parent than I am. To make better choices than I have. And to pass it down. That is the legacy I want to leave behind.

It's all about perspective. Children are a gift, not a liability or a burden. It's all about how you look at it. As soon as you decided to have children, life ceased being ALL ABOUT YOU. You are not just 'you' anymore. Raising your children is the most important thing you will ever do. Don't take it lightly. You will have to make sacrifices. You will have to give things up. You will have to put some things on the shelf for a while. Your life will be taken over completely. Get used to it. Better still, embrace the opportunity to put yourself aside and focus on someone else's needs for a change. It'll be good for you. It's good for all of us to focus on others instead of ourselves. Your children will almost always be a reflection of you. I hope you like what you see in them. If not, I implore you now to make the tough changes you need to make in order to be the best parent you can be. 

You may be asking yourself "what is in it for me?" Simply...love. The unconditional, beautiful, pure kind that only comes from the beautiful hearts of your children. They are full of it. They want to pour it out for you if you would just be willing to receive it and return it in the same spirit with which it is offered. Just like the love of God, it is offered freely and it is up to you whether you choose to accept it and embrace it or scorn and reject it. There are long lasting and powerful consequences to either choice. I recommend you choose wisely.

You may be thinking I should mind my own business. I'll just toss that right back to you. Mind your business so that I (and everyone else around you) won't end up having to mind it for you someday in numerous ways. If you don't like my tone, that's unfortunate. Kids are serious business to me. Anyway, it's just my opinion. Worth what you paid for it.

**end of rant**

Blessings,

Cat