Seriously...What Will People Think?

Well, my friends, the holidays are officially over. If you happened to be at my house, that wouldn't necessarily appear to be the case. There are ornaments and decorations all over the den waiting to be hauled back up to the attic and the winter village scene is still lit up and proudly displayed on my mantel. Disgraceful, isn't it? I know. I have my reasons (besides lack of motivation) and I would explain them to you but that would mean I would have to violate one of my key New Years resolutions and I usually make a rule not to do that until at least February 1st.

You may be asking yourselves what have I resolved to do (or not to do) in the coming year. Or maybe you're not even remotely interested. Nevertheless, I'm going to share a couple of my resolutions with you because, well.. I'm in a sharing mood and you've already read this far so might as well just forge ahead, right? Anyway it's all pretty standard stuff, like: Eat less, move more, work on my book manuscript, get my house organized, take the dog for more walks, etc. I've even resolved to be able to do the splits by the end of 2013 (the result of hours of watching young kids at my kids' gymnastics class being impossibly flexible and ambitiously believing I can still do it, too!) But here's the biggie...and it will admittedly be a bit of a challenge. I have resolved to stop being concerned with what other people think or say about me. And you know what? I must say, I'm off to a pretty good start.

Remember I told you earlier about not having gotten around to putting away all my Christmas stuff? Well there's a perfect example for you and I'm happy to report that I don't give a rat's right rump cheek whether people think I'm odd or lazy or whatever because it is nobody's business what I do or when I do it as long as I am not a danger to myself or others and it isn't adversely affecting anyone. And it isn't. I'll get around to it when I feel compelled to do so. And not a moment sooner. So there.

Here's the issue: I am, and have always been, a people pleaser and approval seeker. I wish that were not the case but I just seem to have always been wired that way. I think a lot of us are. Especially women. Something I have learned over the years is that trying to please people or win their approval (especially certain people, if you know what I mean) is an exercise in futility and leads to frustration and aggravation and occasionally even degradation. Trying to please others and conform to what they think I should be doing has created a lot of unnecessary detours and roadblocks along the journey of my life. I am moving forward in the New Year to effectively put an end to that. Here are a few reasons why:

• Regardless of my best intentions or efforts to be a loving, caring and compassionate person, people are going to think whatever they want to anyway. I am strong minded, straight forward  and communicate advice or answer questions accordingly. Some people are taken aback by my approach. I can be a bit of a steamroller. I don't mean to be but nevertheless...I am sometimes misunderstood because I tend to be pretty open and direct which can catch people off guard. This is just who I am. 

• There never has been a gate between my brain and my mouth. I rarely know what I'm going to say until I've heard what it was. I'm not saying that this is a good quality. It's not. I'm just made that way. I do make an effort to exercise self control in this area but won't say I've been all that successful.

• For some reason that baffles me, a lot of people tend to want to believe the worst in others. My theory is that some believe that magnifying the flaws of others makes them more normal or acceptable to themselves. (I'll bet many of you have been subjected to this attitude).

• I've learned from experience that most judgment comes from a lack of self esteem or self worth from the one doing the judging. There are a lot of sanctimonious, self righteous folks out there who are just waiting for a misstep so that they can pounce on you and 'show you the error of your ways.' To these people I respectfully say: Get a life, why don't you, and stay out of mine.

• I am a gregarious and silly person with a rapid fire sense of humor that is hard to keep under wraps. I kind of like that about myself and am not inclined to change that anytime soon. I love sharing laughter and joy with others. I laugh loudly and sometimes giggle inappropriately when I'm in an awkward or nervous situation. Can't seem to help myself.

  **(I've had the unfortunate experience of snickering helplessly at a funeral as the minister repeatedly mispronounced the name of the deceased. I was also once ushered out of a wedding ceremony for laughing uncontrollably after a well meaning bridesmaid yanked the bustle of the bride's dress (which had somehow become tucked way up into her bum) right at the front of the church in full view of the entire congregation before the couple could exchange their I-do's. Not one of my finer moments but a funny memory to have and to hold, as it were).

 Listen...life is too short not to appreciate the humorous and ridiculousness that inevitably comes along. We are made in God's own image. The gift of laughter and joy is one of  His most beautiful blessings to me. Still...sometimes others don't 'get' my sense of humor. That's okay with me. I don't mind laughing either at myself or with myself or even by myself.

 A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. ~Proverbs 17:22

In the infamous words of Tony Bennett: (my younger readers can Google him...)
"I've gotta be me...I've gotta be me...who else can I be but me?"  Indeed.

Finally...after all these years of fretting about having a crazy dysfunctional family, not fitting in or not being thin enough or educated enough or being too indecisive or silly or not serious enough or not being perceived as a good enough Christian I have finally come to the place in my life where I can honestly say...who cares what anyone else thinks of me? I know who I am. I know whose I am. I am a living child of the living God and my Daddy created the universe and everything and everyone in it. He loves me just they way I am and He's guiding my every step. I'm shining my light and believing that God will let my life be a living example of His amazing love and His tender grace and mercy. I'm one of His very favorites, you know. You are, too!

There is a sense of liberation and freedom in letting go of what others think. Some of you may have already come to this place of peace. If not I invite you to join me. Hey, as a sign of solidarity, you may even want to join me in my other resolutions as well. Together, we can do anything, right?

I will  let you off the hook on the whole 'doing the splits' thing, though. I mean really, who am I kidding? A mother of three children trying to do the splits? C'mon, seriously...what will people think? Oh, yeah,..I  almost forgot. Who cares? All I can say is that I hope they are laughing with me because I may need some good medicine for my crushed spirit and dried up bones if things don't work out as planned. Ha!

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. ~Colossians 3:12-15

Blessings,

~Cat

"I Like Your Christ. I Do Not Like Your Christians"

 "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

~Mahatma Ghandi

Ouch. Talk about a zinger. Kind of a gut-punch, isn't it?

One day a couple of weeks ago, I was driving my kids to school, lecturing talking to them about how important it is to remember to be more respectful toward each other and to be a blessing and not a burden to their teachers and fellow students at school. On this day, I was in a mood. Bogged down by what seemed like a thousand little loose ends and details I just couldn't seem to pull together. Sound familiar? So, anyway...I remember doing a lot of mental complaining and griping about how much I had to do, how I didn't have any help, how I wished I could just go back home, pull the covers over my head and go back to bed. You get the idea.

My husband (who is the sweetest man on the planet and who I'm still amazed picked me out of all of the women in the world he could have chosen) called me to check in and see how my day was going. Well, he unfortunately got an earful as I proceeded to download all of the stuff that was weighing on my mind and basically overloaded him with nonsense about how overwhelmed I was and didn't he feel sorry for me for being so over committed and under prepared which of course is ALL MY FAULT TO BEGIN WITH. (I am a self-confessed yes-aholic and chronic volunteer). As always, he listened patiently and calmly and said all the right things and told me it would all turn out okay and even complimented me by reminding me that I am always able to pull everything together and work it all out in the end. I hung up after the obligatory 'so...how is your day going?' which he answered by saying, "Me? Oh, I'm fine." Classic David. I love him so much.

I felt much better after that, of course. Cranked up the car radio just in time to hear someone on KSBJ talking about remembering to focus our attention on being more Christ-like in all of our interactions as Christians (he was referring to the contentious political climate) and then he shared the quote at the top of this post. And then...WHAM. My self-centered fog lifted and I realized in that instant that I was doing exactly what I had admonished my children NOT to do that very morning. I was being a burden, not a blessing. Fleshing it out, as it were. I was being burdened, period. I stopped and remembered what Jesus said:

 
Come to me all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. ~Matthew 11:28-30

This is what Jesus said about himself. 'Learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart.' In all honesty, I can see why Ghandi said what he did. As much as I hate to admit it, this is exactly what I have been seeing playing out all over social media and in conversations I've heard between friends and even in my own interactions with others. If this quote makes you feel convicted, that's probably a good thing. It certainly did make me stop and think. I hit the reset button that day and kept repeating that quote over and over in my mind and let it sink deep down into my spirit.

No wonder so many non-believers are turned off by some Christians. Why? Because self-righteousness and hypocrisy and a 'holier-than-thou' attitude are not attractive. Guilt and condemnation aren't, either. So much stone throwing and finger pointing going on in this world. Sounds more like the behavior of the Pharisees to me. If memory serves, Jesus had some serious issues with those guys. Seems to me that quite a few self proclaimed Christians are loudly blowing their horns about this sin and that sin and how bad everyone else (besides themselves, of course) is behaving. Being unapproachable, condescending and offensive. Passing out judgments and condemnation like Halloween candy. So unlike our Christ.

Are they well meaning? Probably. I would hope so. Am I perfect and without blame? Absolutely not. Am I condoning sin? No, of course not. Am I saying that he who is without sin, go ahead and cast that stone? Yes. That's exactly what I'm saying.

While watching the recent violent uprisings in the middle east that coincided with the murderous attack on our US Embassy in Benghazi, Libya, I was struck by the amount of passionate hatred in the eyes of all of those thousands and thousands of radical Islamic jihadists who banded together to make their presence known. It made me think. Why aren't we, as Christians committed to sharing that kind of passion when we seek to demonstrate the LOVE of Christ? I'm not talking about radical, fundamentalist anger and condemnation. In my opinion, that has NOTHING to do with the teachings of Christ. I'm talking about a committed, passionate, peaceful outpouring of love and forgiveness and charity and understanding that is news worthy! Why aren't we making news every day by showing how loving and compassionate and respectful of others we are? Why aren't we fired up to show the world the gentle and humble heart of Jesus and His salvation by living it out loud by example in our every day lives? How powerful and uplifting would that be?

Yes, I said it. Some Christians could learn a few things about expressing passion and dedication to their faith  from Muslims. You may not like that but I think it is true. Yes, even in my own life. Any thoughts? I'd love to hear them.

I have (what I think is) a great idea. I'm too busy with my crazy life and I can't afford to fund it but wouldn't it be really awesome to have a new cable news channel called GNN? The Good News Network. All good news all day and all night. Reporters traveling all over the world to cover stories of unsung heroes and people doing unselfish good works and people being healed miraculously? Highlighting kids for putting others before themselves? Outrageous athletic accomplishments? Compassionate humanitarian efforts? Videos of people all around the world doing humorous things?That kind of stuff. Doesn't need to be religious...just any good news will do. Hey, it would be great to see people trying to make the news by doing good things instead of being knuckleheads or criminals, dontcha think? Somebody get right on that, will ya?

And, hey...if you need any help getting it started, I'll be more than happy to volunteer to brainstorm ideas and search for stories or help design an ad campaign. Of course it would have to be after I tear down the decorations from Red Ribbon Week and then the big fellowship I'm planning and then of course Thanksgiving....then there's the Christmas parade and by then Christmas will be here but maybe after that..... ;0)

Blessings and Love

~Cat

(I love this song 'Proof Of Your Love' by For King and Country...take a listen).

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Just Admit it...You Were Wrong

Strange how even a simple squabble between siblings can become a teachable moment in the lives of everyone involved. Yes, even on a Monday morning. Before I elaborate on that, let me just say that I don't always go about imparting wisdom into the lives of my children with patience and perfection. Nope. Sometimes it's more along the lines of vexation and vocalization. Oh, well...whatever works. My motto? If it achieves the desired results then I get to call it a success.

As the kids were getting ready for school, I held up an old teddy bear which had been left on the floor and I said "Poor Buddy. Somebody just dropped him and left him here. I bet Buddy's not feelin' the love this morning." I was trying to make light of the fact that I couldn't walk through the family room without stepping on or around some random toy or article of clothing that had been thoughtlessly dropped and left behind for someone else to deal with. That someone being me, of course. This is a really annoying recurring theme in my household and I was irritated but wanted to take it a little easy because everyone was just sleepily rubbing their eyes, waking up and trying to come to terms with the fact that it was Monday morning again. No sense harping on them to add to that stark realization.

Because Mattie is female, and it is imprinted on her DNA, she can't seem to resist the urge to make some remark or to 'out' whomever she deems to be the guilty party in any given situation. Little girls seem to get a special tingle out of seeing other people get what they deserve. To put it nicely, Mattie has a very acute sense of justice. Or is it vengeance? I don't know...maybe a little of both. Anyway, the irony is that two thirds of the debris field in question belonged to her. Most likely the teddy bear was discarded by her since Patrick doesn't even play with it anymore. Of course, that didn't seem to register at all. It rarely does.

So Mattie says, "Buddy is Patrick's and he should do it because it belongs to him." And unfortunately something got lost in translation because  all Patrick heard her say were the words "Patrick" and "stupid." Aaand...cue drama. He called her out and insisted that she said he was stupid and demanded that she apologize. Michael, wisely trying to remain neutral up to this point, quietly piped in from under his blanket, "Dude, really...she didn't say that." Patrick wasn't having it. Then, he ordered me to make her apologize. Yeah, well...a ten year old making demands and ordering me around never goes over well with me but especially rubs me the wrong way first thing in the morning before my coffee. What followed was a ridiculous exchange worthy of two bickering toddlers. I said "Patrick, she did not call you stupid." He said "Yes, she did, I heard her!" and this deteriorated into "did not!"..."did too!" until I realized the absurdity of what I was doing and then ended it by telling him very firmly: "Patrick, you are wrong." He shook his head 'no.' "Yes" I said. You. Are. WRONG!"

Wrong. He hates to be wrong. He got up and declared he was going to the bathroom but we all knew he was retreating because he was unable and unwilling to admit his mistake. He was going to believe what he wanted to believe and refused to be persuaded otherwise. Pride is a pretty powerful thing, isn't it? I had to wonder why he wanted to believe the worst instead of acknowledging that he simply misheard her. There are so many insightful, psychological conclusions to draw from that but really it all just boils down to pride. Pride is a place where we all stumble and fall.

I know better than to push my kids when they are in this frame of mind. It only makes them more resentful and resistant. I tucked a note into Patrick's lunch kit that read "I hope you decide to make it a great day. Please remember that it takes a person of great courage to admit they are wrong. Be that person. Love, Mom." I urged Mattie to go to Patrick and tell him that even though she hadn't called him a name, she was sorry they had a disagreement, which she did. Patrick was still sullen and mumbled "okay, fine" or something to that effect. Still not budging.

When we finally got in the car, I spoke quietly to the kids on the way to school about the meaning of courage. I told them that being brave was not just about facing fear but also about letting people see them when they are not at their best. That being vulnerable and letting people hear them say "I made a mistake" was a great example to set for others and that in order to be a great person or an effective leader, we have to be tough enough to be willing to be wrong in front of everyone. Then, I turned to Patrick and said "there is no shame in being wrong, son. Everybody makes mistakes." His eyes filled with tears and he choked them back and finally said "Sorry, Mattie...I guess I didn't hear you right." Boom. And just like that: revelation and reconciliation. Everyone all smiles and giggles for the rest of the trip. Thank you, God...what a relief, as I can't stand unresolved conflict.

Don't we all hate to be wrong? As adults, pride and arrogance make us resistant to admitting any wrongdoing. I see it everywhere day in and day out from my little kids to the highest government officials. Denial, lies, cover-ups, corruption of every type imaginable. Guilt and shame and regret all because of an unwillingness to confess the simple fact that we have been wrong. Made a bad decision. Blamed the wrong person. Lost our temper. Forgot to do something important. Gossiped about someone without knowing all of the facts. Betrayed a loved one. The list could (and does) go on and on.

My challenge to myself and to anyone who may be reading this is to search ourselves and ask the question: Do we have what it takes (humility and honesty) to do what my ten year old son was eventually able to do? To suck it up and be willing to say, "My bad." To own our mistakes and to be accountable to those we have wronged? To atone for our transgressions?  I say yes... I'm up to the challenge. Are you in?

Here's Mom's lunch box wisdom for you, shared from my heart  to yours as it was for Patrick:

"I hope you decide to make it a great day. Please remember that it takes a person of great courage to admit they are wrong. Be that person." 

Blessings,

~Cat

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Really...Who DOES that?

I would venture to say that almost every day, at some point, I come across a fellow human being who does something that I don't like, I don't understand, that I don't agree with or that just plain annoys me in some way. I mean...people do some weird things that just leave me shaking my head saying..."Who does that?" Case in point: A couple of days ago, I was getting gas in my car and saw someone a few rows over smoking a cigarette while pumping gas. Is it not bad enough that I'm standing there watching the gas pump readout furiously escalating past the $75 dollar mark? That alone is stressful enough without this knucklehead putting himself and everyone else around him in danger of being blown sky high on a beautiful fall day. KABLAM! Yo, dude...that big, red NO SMOKING sign applies to everyone. Even you. Seriously...

Or the lady driver who sped up and cut me off so she could be one car ahead of me in the pickup line. And we were there 45 minutes before school got out! Were they handing out 'Absurdly Early and On The Ball Mom' awards that day and I didn't get the memo? Why the big rush? I don't get it. Someone (well meaning, of course) actually sent me a Facebook message last week saying that it was a good thing my dog had been put to sleep because (and I quote) "I'm just glad he died peacefully. It would have been a lot worse if he had died after being hit by a car or something where he had to suffer." Now don't get me wrong, I know they were trying to be comforting and I appreciated the intent but I was really grieving and that just missed the mark for me.

I worked myself up into a real lather the other night over something someone said to me because it hurt my feelings and (if I'm honest) brought some of my own insecurities to the fore. I allowed myself to be provoked into irritation and I know I was unable to hide the fact that I was annoyed. After I got home, I prayed and reflected on the situation which led me to a place that I can see now was exactly where God wanted me to be. The situation shined a light into a dark area that is: my often narrow focus on myself. Or what I call 'Me-ism.' Being so aware and involved with my own reality and how it makes me feel that I unfortunately miss out on the opportunity to learn something important or to experience something special in my life or the life of someone else. Me-ism happens to everyone. It was happening to the guy at the gas station. And the lady who cut me off in the line at school. Even the well meaning friend who made a thoughtless remark. It happened when I became overly sensitive and reacted negatively with a friend. We can all be self absorbed and do these kinds of hit and run offenses toward others without even realizing what we've said or done. I know I need to work on that and with God's grace and mercy, I'm becoming more aware. Please keep me in your prayers and offer me forgiveness as needed as I grow in my journey of faith.

The Bible says we are to strive to live our lives as Jesus did and let me tell you, He is a pretty tough act to follow! I try not to carry offenses and to be forgiving but sometimes, in the moment, it can be hard  (okay, sometimes impossible) to overlook the behavior of others and keep a calm and loving demeanor. Believe me, I've tried. I guess the best we can do is ask for guidance, apologize when necessary, try to look beyond the sins of others and keep trying to mature and grow through the renewing of our minds through God's word.

Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV) says, "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me?  Up to seven times?'  Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.' "  

By the way, This means forgiving ourselves, too.

Once upon a time, there was a godly man who had purposefully traded a heavenly existence for a life of hard work, long hours of teaching and who gave his all for the sick and the broken. After performing miraculous healing and acts of provision for those in need, he continued being misunderstood and misrepresented, being scorned, despised and rejected. Eventually, He was tortured and killed and endured, even embraced it all in the name of LOVE. Asking forgiveness for His tormentors even as He suffered and died. He defeated death and the grave and kept His promise to return and show Himself alive to those who believed in Him. All in the name of redeeming those who had wronged Him. All in the name of justifying those who had rejected His father's love for them. He did it all for love. I mean, really...who DOES that?

Only Jesus. He is where I am putting my focus. Less 'Me-ism' and more 'He-ism.' More on loving as He loved. Forgiving others as He forgave me. On trusting our heavenly Father with this life He has given me. Of living with an attitude of gratitude for this experience on Earth. If I continue to do that, whether I understand it or not, everything else falls perfectly into place in the exact time that it should. Jesus is alive and well and living in those who, by faith and trust, believe in the whole story just as it is written. Unbelievable as it may seem, there are some who continue to tell this remarkable story because they are confident in the knowledge that there is power and life everlasting in accepting as truth the good news of the life and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Really? Who does that? Well...I do, for one. I pray everyone who reads this will hear the call and surrender it all. And live, really live. Happily ever after.

Blessings,

~Cat

Losing Lucky...From Reeling to Healing

We've all been there. Cruising along on auto-pilot, feeling pretty good about life and feeling somewhat comfortable and maybe even a little carefree. Then, WHAMMO...major turbulence in life swoops in, knocks you sideways and forces you to grab the controls and try to right yourself before you go into a tailspin. This is the way I would describe the events of this past weekend. We've taken a beating and been sent reeling but we banded together and are unsteadily but surely making our way back onto solid ground.

Mattie's journal entry the day we saved Lucky

Let me explain. A few months ago, we adopted a dog who was scheduled to be euthanized. You've seen their haunted faces on the pages of Facebook. Looking pitiful and frightened, your heart melts and you think: Maybe I can make a difference, I can save this dog and give him a good home and we'll all live happily ever after. That is exactly what I thought and intended. That's how we found our other dog, Sparky. The kids and I fell in love at first sight with Lucky. He had a little heart on his forehead which we took as a sign that he needed our love. Impulsively, I made the call, saved the day by saving the dog, and made arrangements to drive the six hours to Port Isabel, Texas to pick him up. We made it into a little mini-vacation and stayed at the beach the day before we picked him up. It was a wonderful time of expectation and giddy nerves as we were anticipating meeting Lucky and bringing him home.

Lucky meeting Daddy and Sparky

It was seamless. Although he was heart worm positive, he showed no symptoms and the Laguna Madre Humane Society offered to cover the cost of his treatment. He was easy. He was obedient. He was sweet and quiet and slept the whole way home. He met our other dog and they got along fine right from the beginning. After a few hiccups during the adjustment period we realized he was a perfect fit for our family. He pooped and peed outside. He was loving and sweet, a total mush and he followed me adoringly around the house. We grew very attached to each other and I loved him so much. He was too good to be true. I see that now.

There were signs. He was aggressive toward other dogs which we attributed to his being in the shelter. He was very protective and was uneasy when people came to the front door. All of this stuff seemed workable and he was improving all the time. We let our guard down and believed we had hit the doggie jackpot with our sweet Lucky dog. This weekend, we unfortunately lost it all.

One of Mattie's little friends came over unexpectedly for a visit on Saturday. Lucky had never met her before. There were a few other neighbor kids over and the usual noisy chaos was in full swing. This little girl reached down to pat or hug him. He was confused and stressed and he lashed out and bit her in the neck and hand, and scared her to death. Her ear was cut and she needed medical attention. We cleaned her up, comforted her as best we could and David and I drove her home. After we were sure she was okay we got into the car, looked at each other and I burst into tears, knowing that Lucky would have to go. Even though he was wonderful with our kids and had never done anything like this before, there was no other choice. Biting someone is one thing but he had intentionally gone for her throat. Of course we could never risk that happening again to anyone. Ever. After consulting with the shelter and the vet, the decision was made that Lucky would have to be put to sleep. We were crushed. Devastated. We were emotionally wrecked and I was wracked with guilt.

The kids took it hard, all of them sobbing and begging us not to take him away. Michael wrapped his little body around Lucky's kennel, trying to shield him as David came to take him out. His agonizing cries of "Nooooo, don't take him away, he's sorry...he didn't mean to" will haunt me for the rest of my days. The kids insisted on taking a picture with him which I did all the while my stomach was churning and I was trying desperately in my mind to think of a way to save him, knowing there really was no way. We all took turns saying goodbye. As I cried and hugged him for the last time he nuzzled my face with his velvety soft nose and licked the tears from my face. Loving me and comforting me as always. I was undone with grief. I felt I had failed him miserably. I felt guilty and wished I had never seen his picture on Facebook, never set my kids up for this trauma. If not for me, that little girl would have been safe. Guilt and regret washed over me in relentless waves.

David asked me to promise we would all stay together and grieve as a family until he returned, which we did. We cried and shared memories and laughed through our tears. Michael said that he thought maybe God knew Lucky only had a little more time to live so he gave him to us to love before he had to go. We all took great comfort in that. As we were holding onto each other in our grief, David was in a veterinary clinic in Beaumont holding our sweet Lucky in his arms, whispering words of love and praise into his ear as he peacefully passed away. This was a terrible, tragically beautiful moment etched permanently into our family story. Painful but peaceful. We held on tight and prayed and wept and we loved each other through it. It is amazing how the worst moments in life tend to unearth the treasures deep inside of us.

I've struggled to make sense of all of this but quite frankly, I haven't been very successful. It is senseless. Period. But I've learned that God really can take any bad situation and turn it around for our good. That God is purposeful and that He is the great Master Conductor of this symphony we call life on earth. There will be moments of discordance. Things may seem off beat for a time. We will feel that we are suspended and holding indefinitely with no rhyme or rhythm to the process. And yet with one wave of  His hand, there is resolution and resonance. Harmony is restored and the movement is complete. All that is required is that we obey His direction and let the music flow in His perfect timing.

Today, we are beginning the process of healing. I am drifting with the tide as calmly as I can. I'm so grateful for the ebb and flow of tears and emotions which allows us to release the pain and cleanse and heal our wounds without overwhelming us all at once. Our heavenly Father put such loving care into us, His creation. He truly is an awesome God. We were never promised a life free of pain or troubles. He did promise that He would never leave us or forsake us. We experienced that promise this weekend first hand. We felt the prayers and the love of friends and family. It has been hard but we are on the mend and all will be well in time.

Rest in peace, sweet Lucky

 I told my kids this weekend that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. They seemed pretty skeptical and I guess I don't blame them. Love is a risky proposition. The outcome is that at some point there will be loss and it will be painful. There's no way around that. But I believe it is what we were ultimately created for and that love is the very essence of God. Yes, I wish I still had my beautiful dog but after all is said and done, I guess you could say that at least for a time, I was Lucky in love.

Blessings,

~Cat

My Fellow Americans...We, the People are a Hot Mess!

Since this blog was originally started to leave a legacy behind for my kids and to chronicle their childhood life and times from my perspective, I feel like I can't shy away from this topic any more. What I am about to say may make some of you uncomfortable but I'm going to go ahead and say it anyway. Besides, It's just my opinion. Okay, here goes...

First of all, I hate politics. I love America but politics give me an Excedrin headache. Usually I like to stay out of politics mainly because I'm not under the illusion that I know it all, unlike so many others I see blowing hot air all over the internet. Since I am aware of my intellectual shortcomings, I try to do a lot of research about the issues because the mainstream news media is, for lack of a better word...whack. Since this is an election year which I believe is crucial to the well being and the very future of the country I love so well, I have rolled up my sleeves, removed my rose colored glasses and taken a hard look at both candidates and the issues whirling around them. In this case, I am an inquiring mind and I  really want to know. What I am discovering is that politics are not necessarily the underlying problem. The problem, my friends is none other than We, the people.

Before you get all indignant and outraged and whatnot, hear me out. I will admit that I am very blessed to have a loving husband, 3 healthy children, a home and safe vehicles to drive around in our safe little city with a great school district. I worship God freely in a church I love. I am here, at this place in my life by the grace of God, the incredible integrity of my hard working husband, some sacrifices made in the early years of our marriage and some hard choices we, as a couple and individually, have made along the way. Some may look at my life and say "Must be nice to be her." Well, quite frankly...it is. I am immodestly proud to say that because, well... it wasn't always 'nice' to be me.

If you've read my blog you know I've been on my own since the age of 16 and there was a time in my life when my 71 Chevy Chevelle was my only  home. I existed on Fritos and baloney sandwiches and the kindness of my friends' parents and sometimes even total strangers. I have worked at countless minimum wage jobs doing all kinds of manual and service oriented jobs. I know what it is like to have plenty and I know what it is like to have next to nothing. Homeless is about as poor as you can get. So...when I hear people saying that if someone is a Conservative (which I am), then they must automatically hate the poor and are out of touch with social issues and are just a wealthy, Bible thumping bunch of windbags, stepping on the heads of the downtrodden to climb the ladder of success, I must respectfully call BS on you. I will point out that you are unfortunately doing something that I believe is systematically unraveling our society and that is: judging an ENTIRE group and placing them into a category which you judge to be despicable. You denounce them and dismiss them all outright, refusing to listen to them, without taking a moment to realize that we are all INDIVIDUALS with our own story and experiences. Conservatives and Democrats and other political parties are all doing this. I see it every day and it makes me furious. It also makes me sad.

Here's one reason why I think we do this. And remember I'm stating my own opinion based on my own experiences, here. Some people...lets call them fringe groups...get so 'in your face' while trying to recruit others to adopt their philosophy that they go off the deep end. Westboro Baptist Church n.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westboro_Baptist_Church is one of them. Complete lunatics who have no shame and commit hateful acts in the name of God. They don't speak for Christians and are a disgraceful hate group. Here's another example: I was astounded to discover that there is group of women, who call themselves feminists, dressing up and parading around in (and I'm sorry to say this out loud) vagina costumes in order to call attention to their feeling of victimization because they want the government to, and I quote, "stay out of their wombs." This kind of childish nonsense is not serving anyone and basically sends the message that women (by their definition) are apparently only the sum total of their girly parts. If you don't believe me, I'll show you what I'm talking about. I'm sorry in advance for the tacky nature of this picture but I didn't think you would believe me unless you saw it for yourselves. I find myself helplessly giggling in horror at the absurdity of this image. Who thought this up? Why did anyone agree with it? Where does one purchase a pattern for a vagina costume? So many questions....

"Code Pink" activists

Is this the most constructive way to make a point for your cause? I think not. Though I suppose you mean well, I'm a woman and I say: Change your clothes, grow up and do something more productive and appropriate with your time. You are embarrassing yourselves, which is your right. Still, I'm sure a lot of women wish you would stop it.

I'm going to give it to you straight, ladies. There is no 'WAR on Women.' What a ridiculous notion. We may strongly disagree on issues of abortion and paying for women's birth control pills and other female reproductive issues. We can debate that thoughtfully and respectfully and most importantly with the most powerful resource we have...the right to VOTE. Please don't buy into the assertion that anyone is at WAR with women. To do so is an insult to anyone who ever served, fought, lost their life or lost a loved one in combat. War is war. It is hell. Debating women's reproductive rights is a difference of beliefs and opinions that is being considered and (whether we agree with the outcome or not) will be legislated by our elected officials. That's the way our system works. It is not war, it is a constitutional debate. Get that straight in your heads, please. (P.S. Condoms are cheap and abstinence is free).

My fellow Republicans, this is for you. Democrats should not be recklessly characterized as atheist, socialist, tree hugging, activist, hippie intellectuals. Members of my family are Democrats and are some of the smartest, funniest, socially conscious, responsible and hard working, sweet, and loving people I know. They are amazing parents. Though we may not always agree, I respect them and their views. I learn from them. I am certain that not all thoughtful and intelligent Democratic or liberal women agree with the kind of spectacle shown in the photo above or advocate these women speaking for them. Why? because it detracts from their message and makes them look foolish.

The same goes for the other side. Todd Akin said some painfully ridiculous things about his cockamamie ideas about rape. It made me cringe. It made 99.9% of Republicans do a nationwide, simultaneous  groan and eyeroll. Let me make this abundantly clear: Just because a bunch of women dress up in nutty costumes doesn't mean all Democratic women are supporting them. Just because Todd Akin is foolish and irresponsible with his words, doesn't mean all Republicans agree with his outlandish comments. Do you see where I'm going with this?

We the people spend way too much time shouting our own message and too little time listening to each other. I mean listening with the intent to understand. The thing is, opinions by their very nature can't be wrong. It's just a personal belief that is expressed. They are just opinions. Why argue over it? Listening to each other, especially our differences, that is how we learn. It's all about respect. We need a lot more of that if we're going to come to a better understanding of one another. After all, we are called the United States of America. If we're not careful we'll just be the Divided States of America.

One more thing. When President Barack Obama was elected, although I did not vote for him, I stood in front of my TV and tears came to my eyes as I saw him take the podium for his victory speech. It was a momentous event in American history. I was proud for him. I was really rooting for him. Praying for him to succeed. I was hopeful for the change he wanted to bring about. It sounded so great. Four years later, I am sad to see that he was unable to move the country forward as he thought he would. Through research, I've learned more about him and his background. I don't agree with many of his core beliefs and don't believe he has proven to be an effective leader. Some say he wasn't given a chance. I have to wonder how many years worth of a chance a President should be given. We are beyond the point of blaming this side or that. There is plenty of blame to go around on both sides of the aisle. I'm voting for Romney/Ryan because what is going on now is not working. I feel we need a President who has a better understanding of the way business and finance work in the private sector. Here's another thing...I am not a racist because I'm not voting for Obama. Casting a vote for the other guy does not make someone a racist. Voting for someone strictly because of the color of their skin would more likely fall into that category. I'm not doing that. Please don't assume that about me or anyone else.

Life and death are in the power of the tongue. As a nation, I pray we will come together and stop talking so loud that we drown each other out. Of course as a believer, I'm trusting God and His will for our country. Whoever wins the election, I will do my best to stand behind them and do my part. I'll try to be careful with my words and opinions. I will listen and give others a fair hearing. The Bible tells us to do that. As you can see in my comments above, I don't suffer fools gladly. It's not always easy but the most important lessons never are.

I'm hoping and praying that by the time my kids read this they will be able to say "Wow, I'm sure glad people started behaving like responsible adults and cleaned up that hot mess they had back in 2012." I hope they look up to our generation with gratitude and pride in the same way we respect and admire the generations that came before us. Don't you?

Peace and Blessings

~Cat


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Meteors, Adam and Eve and the Wisdom of Children

Many of you who know me would probably agree that I tend to turn just about anything into a party with my kids. If there is a thunderstorm, we go out into the porte-cochere with snacks and blankets and have what we call a 'Boomer' party. We count down from the lightning strike until the thunder crack and then raise our hands and yell "TOUCHDOWN" at the top of our lungs. This is big fun for us because we're essentially a bunch of dorks. We have family movie night, epic Nerf gun battles with the neighbor kids (David is the instigator and director of these battles), geode rock busting parties and various other really cheap and fun activities that the kids enjoy and since I get to participate in my pajamas, it's a win/win.

So...when an event like the recent Perseid meteor shower comes along I immediately think: Shooting Star Party. We arranged all of the deck chairs into what we decided were the ideal positions for meteor observation, David popped popcorn, I made lemonade and we invited some good friends over to hang out. Overall, it was really fun and we got to see quite a few meteors. The kids watched in awe for a while until their attention spans gave way to other more exciting pursuits. We all made some great memories and to me, that's all that is required to call any party a success.

The most poignant memory I'll take away with me from that night doesn't really have anything to do with meteors, though. It will be of my son Michael and his ability to 'wow' me on occasion with the way his amazing little mind works. We were gazing up at the night sky and together we recited the old rhyme "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight...I wish I may, I wish I might...have this wish I wish tonight." At the end, I asked the kids what they had wished for. Mattie (being Mattie) said "I wish I had a million dollars." I can't say as I blame her. If you're making a wish, might as well make it a big one, right? Then it was Michael's turn and I'll never forget this. He said quietly, while still looking up at the stars: "I wish God had forgiven Adam and Eve right from the beginning because things would have been a lot easier from then on."

Wow. I wish I could report to you that I had some meaningful response to this statement. I really don't remember what I said because honestly, I had never even considered this observation in that context for some reason. He got me thinking. 'Yeah...why didn't He forgive them? Michael is right. It would have been a lot easier. If God is such a forgiving God, why didn't He just give them a pass? He knew they were going to eat the fruit. Why did it matter so much? Why 'THE FALL' and the sinning, and animal sacrifices and the wars and chaos and plagues and pestilence and punishments? Why the ultimate torturous sacrifice of Jesus dying on the cross to reconcile us with the God who created us and loves us? It could all have been avoided if He had just forgiven Adam and Eve on the spot, right?' Kinda makes you wonder...

I prayed on this. I pondered this. Eventually, I even Googled it. The answer came one morning while I was out walking our dog, Lucky, and was having my prayer time. I felt God speaking into my spirit and then it became clear to me. In order for us to have what God wants most from us, which is relationship, there has to be free will. The God of the universe had to give us the choice to reject Him. To let us 'go it alone' and then return to Him freely if we desired to do so. Imagine someone saying to you "Love me because I said so." Doesn't work that way. Real love means we choose to love one another despite our faults or imperfections or regardless of how powerful or powerless the object of our love is. To be loved, chosen for love, is probably the most enriching human experience of all. I believe it is what we were created for. Love. Praise. Honor. Worship. Cultivating relationship. With each other and with our Creator.

I see this fallen world as something like boot camp to prepare us for everlasting life. Without the experience of loss or grief, how could we ever fully appreciate life and how precious it is?  Without sadness, how would we measure pure joy? Without feeling lack we would be unaware of the blessings of provision. Without sickness and pain in our bodies we wouldn't comprehend the perfection of our heavenly bodies to come. Without the bondage of sin we would never understand the unimaginable gift of grace, mercy and freedom in Christ. Trouble and difficulties, even emotional pain, cultivate our faith and teach us obedience and surrender. It all makes sense to me. Easy isn't always better. I am learning to be more grateful for the ongoing refining process of life. Nobody said it wouldn't get hot and uncomfortable in the furnace. The promise is that we will come out more clean and more pure and more beautiful than ever before. I can live with that. God knows what He is doing. After all, He's been doing it forever and in the infamous words of Prince...that's a mighty long time.

Our children have innate wisdom. They say things that confound us, challenge us and sometimes even push us to seek out answers we never even knew we had the questions for. My children are such an incredible blessing in so many ways. Once, Patrick, my oldest, said "Mom...why do people have the urge to do things that they already know are not going to be good for them and then do them anyway?" That one struck me dumb for a moment or two. I don't remember what I told him other than "Wow, that's a really good question. I might have to get back to you on that one." I don't think I ever did. Last year, Mattie was sitting in my lap on the couch and said "Mommy, why do people always say they are seeking God and that He is invisible? I see God all the time. All you have to do is look into the eyes of His people and that's us." I remember hugging her with tears running down my face and thanking her  for sharing that with me. There's such wisdom in children hidden underneath all of the dirt and the noise and the sticky fingers and such. Yes, there is incredible wealth there that I am enjoying digging into every day. Such is the joy of parenthood.

Mattie explained that we can see God in each other's eyes and I am a witness to that fact. On a clear summer night, not long ago, as ribbons of light brilliantly streamed across the sky, I looked into the awestruck face of my eight year old son and clearly saw God's perfect love shining in his beautiful blue eyes. That's life, isn't it?

Blessings,

Cat


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