Hello...it's been a while. I was told as a child "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Really it's not that I don't have anything nice to say...just that I've been dealing with a lot and really just didn't feel like talking about it. Life has a funny way of throwing in curves and potholes just when we are settling into a smooth open road. As I have posted earlier, our family suffered the losses of four very special women in a span of seven months. The first anniversary of my Nana's death was in March. Got through it. With the anniversary of my Mom's passing just around the corner, I am feeling pretty sad and am realizing that I have not really been dealing with my grief as well as I could be. So many losses piling up one after the other didn't leave much time for the natural processes of grieving to take hold. I'm realizing now that I have been pushing down my feelings (of which there are many) in order to move forward and not be a 'downer' around my family and friends. This is not healthy and I know it. So I am going to throw my shoulders back, roll up my sleeves and dive in to the murky pond of issues I have with my mom and her passing, and believe that God's grace is sufficient and will see me through to the other side.
And then there were HORMONES! Men, don't slink away here and escape to your 'happy place.' You can handle a discussion about hormones and who knows, maybe you just might learn something. I am going to say it out loud to anyone who is within hearing distance. I am 'at an age' (not telling) where hormones are becoming a big factor in my life. In fact, some days, they are kicking my butt. I have been besieged with any number of random, annoying and sometimes downright scary symptoms and was seriously wondering if I was just going to wake up one morning in pieces. Heart palpitations, having a cycle every three weeks, random bouts of unexplained anxiety, ocular migraines...just to name the few I can mention in polite conversation! The bottom line? I am perimenopausal. Sounds horrible to say it out loud. I'll say it again, though...I am perimenopausal. Ugh! I'm too young for all of this, aren't I? As it turns out, I am right on schedule. It can last anywhere from 3-15 years. WHAT???? Oh, man. I hope I am not one of the unfortunate ones who are in it for 15 years. Lord, help me. So anyway, now that I know what's going on, I have made an appointment with my Doc to see where we go from here. The good news? I'm in good company. Every woman deals with this transition in life and if they can do it, so can I. Hopefully with dignity, grace, patience, wisdom and the occasional temper tantrum where I get to throw something and break it. (Nothing of value and never in front of the kids, of course). So if I seem a little out of sorts, don't take it personally and say a little prayer for me. Then say a big one for my sweet husband who's gonna need it!
I wish the road of life wasn't quite so bumpy. I understand why it is, though. Any journey has moments of stress and frustration and moments of awesome beauty and belly laughs and unexpected terrain. I know God's plan for me is still on track and that He will go before me and straighten out my crooked places and smooth out the rough patches. He always does. I've got to keep a firm grip on the wheel and my eyes on the horizon and trust in His divine navigation.