Monday, January 30, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Don't Beat Yourself Up
Somebody else wants a crack at you first. Haha. Just kidding. Sort of.
I've had a rough couple of weeks. First, I messed up my back and was laid up for about a week. As a busy mom with three kids, there are no words that make you laugh more hysterically than: 'You need to put your feet up and rest.' Yeah, right. The day the Dr. told me this, my husband had a meeting that ran late and he didn't make it home until around 10pm. Totally not his fault but of course there was no way of obeying Dr's orders at that point. I remember the Dr. saying "Can't you call your mom or a sister or other family member to come help you out?" I teared up as I told her that, like so many others, I'm a transplant with no family or support system around. Mom is gone and everyone lives too far away and is way too busy for me to ask them to come help for something so minor. I'd rather save up a trip from the grandparents for something fun. I know this is pretty common in this day and age but that doesn't make it any easier.
So I laid around and did nothing (didn't even feel like blogging) and watched in horror as things started piling up. Christmas decorations still had not been put away. Laundry everywhere. You get the picture. You would think having an excuse to do nothing would be kind of fun. Didn't turn out that way for me, unfortunately, because I spent most of the time beating myself up for being a useless lump on a log who was being a major inconvenience to my very busy hubby and was slacking off in the motherhood department as well. I beat up on myself. Why did I do that?
Enter the two biggest troublemakers in my life. You may know them, they go by the names Guilt and Condemnation. They are always lurking in the background of my life waiting to pounce when I'm at my weakest. They are crafty little buggers and they are subtle. Sometimes I never even detect their presence until they've infiltrated the breach of insecurity in my defenses and I allow myself to believe their lies and take on shame. They create a web of damage that takes a lot of prayer and soul-searching (and soaking the shoulders of loving friends) to untangle myself from. Has this happened to you, too? I'll bet so. Guilt and Condemnation are equal opportunity destroyers.
Pile on top of that a situation where I was forced to make a difficult decision involving one of my kids and found myself feeling thoroughly misunderstood, as I was judged and found lacking by another parent who was quite vocal in their disappointment and disapproval of my decision and frankly, of me in general. This was particularly painful because it was someone I really like and for whom I had a lot of respect.
Being that I was already on board at that time with the fact that I was a useless lump on a log, I stood there and took a verbal lashing because I felt I actually had made some mistakes and besides, Guilt and Condemnation already had me on my knees and I must have felt I deserved it somehow. I regret that. I wish I had a do-over. I wish I had not felt the need to explain myself and justify my decisions regarding my child to another person. I wish I had had it in me to just politely say "I acknowledge your concerns and am sorry you are upset but am going to handle this matter privately which is my right." I hardly ever say things like that. I always think of clever and brave things to say after it's too late. I'm lousy at confrontations and other people's anger and disappointment really immobilizes me. It's a by-product of an abusive upbringing that doesn't serve me very well. With God's grace and infinite mercy, I'm making progress. I'll never be okay with confrontations but at least this time I felt there was some resolution and I have learned to love myself enough to walk away with my dignity and self respect intact regardless of the outcome.
Many of you will read this and identify with me. Many of you will not. That's fine with me because something I am learning (at this late stage of the game) is that we are all different with varying talents and ambitions, desires, dreams and goals. We all have our own baggage and issues and whatnot. There is no way we will all agree on everything. We will not always be able to relate to one another. We will say things we shouldn't and do things to offend each other without meaning to. We will try to impose our own values on others who won't understand where we are coming from. We will screw things up royally from time to time. There will be people who don't like us for the simple reason that, well..they just don't like us. We need to be okay with that.
And that is where my dearest friends, Compassion and Forgiveness come into play. Compassion and Forgiveness can come in like a flood and kick the business end of Guilt and Condemnation right back to the vile place they came from. Here's the most important part of the lesson: Don't expect or need to receive Compassion and Forgiveness from others. If you do receive it, great. Just don't set yourself up for disappointment. Instead ask it of Jesus, the one who never fails to extend His love. It works every time, guaranteed. While you're at it, offer yourself the same loving gift. Stop beating yourself up. Put the bat down, wrap your arms around yourself and hug it out. You are loved and don't you forget it. I'll try not to, either. I know you'll be here to remind me if I need you to. Thanks for being such loyal readers and remember that I'm praying for all of you as I hope you are praying for me. Have a great weekend, everyone.
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. ~ Romans 8:1
Blessings,
~Cat
I've had a rough couple of weeks. First, I messed up my back and was laid up for about a week. As a busy mom with three kids, there are no words that make you laugh more hysterically than: 'You need to put your feet up and rest.' Yeah, right. The day the Dr. told me this, my husband had a meeting that ran late and he didn't make it home until around 10pm. Totally not his fault but of course there was no way of obeying Dr's orders at that point. I remember the Dr. saying "Can't you call your mom or a sister or other family member to come help you out?" I teared up as I told her that, like so many others, I'm a transplant with no family or support system around. Mom is gone and everyone lives too far away and is way too busy for me to ask them to come help for something so minor. I'd rather save up a trip from the grandparents for something fun. I know this is pretty common in this day and age but that doesn't make it any easier.
So I laid around and did nothing (didn't even feel like blogging) and watched in horror as things started piling up. Christmas decorations still had not been put away. Laundry everywhere. You get the picture. You would think having an excuse to do nothing would be kind of fun. Didn't turn out that way for me, unfortunately, because I spent most of the time beating myself up for being a useless lump on a log who was being a major inconvenience to my very busy hubby and was slacking off in the motherhood department as well. I beat up on myself. Why did I do that?
Enter the two biggest troublemakers in my life. You may know them, they go by the names Guilt and Condemnation. They are always lurking in the background of my life waiting to pounce when I'm at my weakest. They are crafty little buggers and they are subtle. Sometimes I never even detect their presence until they've infiltrated the breach of insecurity in my defenses and I allow myself to believe their lies and take on shame. They create a web of damage that takes a lot of prayer and soul-searching (and soaking the shoulders of loving friends) to untangle myself from. Has this happened to you, too? I'll bet so. Guilt and Condemnation are equal opportunity destroyers.
Pile on top of that a situation where I was forced to make a difficult decision involving one of my kids and found myself feeling thoroughly misunderstood, as I was judged and found lacking by another parent who was quite vocal in their disappointment and disapproval of my decision and frankly, of me in general. This was particularly painful because it was someone I really like and for whom I had a lot of respect.
Being that I was already on board at that time with the fact that I was a useless lump on a log, I stood there and took a verbal lashing because I felt I actually had made some mistakes and besides, Guilt and Condemnation already had me on my knees and I must have felt I deserved it somehow. I regret that. I wish I had a do-over. I wish I had not felt the need to explain myself and justify my decisions regarding my child to another person. I wish I had had it in me to just politely say "I acknowledge your concerns and am sorry you are upset but am going to handle this matter privately which is my right." I hardly ever say things like that. I always think of clever and brave things to say after it's too late. I'm lousy at confrontations and other people's anger and disappointment really immobilizes me. It's a by-product of an abusive upbringing that doesn't serve me very well. With God's grace and infinite mercy, I'm making progress. I'll never be okay with confrontations but at least this time I felt there was some resolution and I have learned to love myself enough to walk away with my dignity and self respect intact regardless of the outcome.
Many of you will read this and identify with me. Many of you will not. That's fine with me because something I am learning (at this late stage of the game) is that we are all different with varying talents and ambitions, desires, dreams and goals. We all have our own baggage and issues and whatnot. There is no way we will all agree on everything. We will not always be able to relate to one another. We will say things we shouldn't and do things to offend each other without meaning to. We will try to impose our own values on others who won't understand where we are coming from. We will screw things up royally from time to time. There will be people who don't like us for the simple reason that, well..they just don't like us. We need to be okay with that.
And that is where my dearest friends, Compassion and Forgiveness come into play. Compassion and Forgiveness can come in like a flood and kick the business end of Guilt and Condemnation right back to the vile place they came from. Here's the most important part of the lesson: Don't expect or need to receive Compassion and Forgiveness from others. If you do receive it, great. Just don't set yourself up for disappointment. Instead ask it of Jesus, the one who never fails to extend His love. It works every time, guaranteed. While you're at it, offer yourself the same loving gift. Stop beating yourself up. Put the bat down, wrap your arms around yourself and hug it out. You are loved and don't you forget it. I'll try not to, either. I know you'll be here to remind me if I need you to. Thanks for being such loyal readers and remember that I'm praying for all of you as I hope you are praying for me. Have a great weekend, everyone.
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. ~ Romans 8:1
Blessings,
~Cat
Monday, January 9, 2012
A Man's Field Survival Guide to the Hormonal Woman
Whoa, there, guys, I see you...no slinking away into the other room or slamming your laptops shut. No...this post is designed to help you (and in turn, the lovely woman in your life, presuming you have one...) to get through some potentially difficult times relatively unscathed and with fewer relationship scars. That can only be good, right? Right. So, this is no time to be squeamish. I invite you to man-up and read on but please feel free to pause now and again to scratch or spit or watch ESPN stats or do whatever you need to do to preserve your sense of manliness despite the fact that you are reading a post about hormones.
Okay, let me start with the first tip which is really the most important thing to remember as you are navigating the dangerous minefield of a woman under totally troublesome hormonal authority (who we will hereafter refer to as WUT-THA?) Here it is, and I'm capitalizing on purpose to get your attention:
#1 CRAZY PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA THEY ARE ACTING CRAZY.
This is important to remember because there will be certain times when you will want the WUTTHA in your life to own up to or even (hahaha!) apologize for her attitude or behavior while under the influence of hormones and she will have no earthly idea what you are talking about. She would rather eat dirt than say she is sorry for something she believes is a complete fabrication of your imagination. That is why you must learn to recognize the signs leading up to and during the duration of your WUTTHA's hormonal invasion so that you can protect yourself and others within her circle of influence. This leads us to survival tip #2.
#2 SORRY, I WAS JUST MESSING WITH YOU....THERE WILL ACTUALLY BE LITTLE OR NO WARNING BEFORE THE ONSET OF SYMPTOMS. This is one reason why we seem so cranky. One minute it's all sunshine and roses and then without warning...WHAMMO. We have an overwhelming urge to throw something across the room and hear it shatter into pieces for no apparent reason. Right after that we will burst into tears and sob uncontrollably about how much the thrown object meant to us. Does this kind of behavior make you uncomfortable? Well, that's too bad because in that moment, we won't particularly care and will demand that you hold us while we cry. So you see, there is unfortunately no preemptive strategy you can employ to prevent the inevitable emotional collateral damage (see I'm using man-speak to make this more palatable for you) but there are some steps you can take to mitigate the suffering. (Yours, not hers).
#3 Do not draw attention to her situation by asking pesky questions such as: Wow, what's your problem today? Are you on your...(you get the point.) This will only ignite a powder keg of unstable emotions. BOOM! No, sir...you don't want that.
#4 Under no circumstances should you laugh at her behavior in her presence. I cannot stress this enough. If you must laugh, stifle your outburst and hie yourself off to a safe distance, far away from the earshot of your WUTTHA. But be warned...our hormonal hearing is unnaturally acute and even if we don't actually hear the laughter, we will still feel that you are making fun of us. Fair warning: You indulge in humor at her expense at your own risk.
#5 Trying to make your WUTTHA feel better by showering her with compliments or offering sympathy will only backfire on you. Even delivered sincerely you will most likely be perceived as being patronizing. Do not, I repeat, do NOT tell her you know how she feels or compare her backache and cramps to the time you threw out your back playing baseball with your buddies. Trust me...not the same thing.
** It is important to note that while compliments and sympathy are not recommended, gifts are perfectly acceptable as long as you make a concerted effort not to say anything stupid during presentation of said gift.
Are you still with me? Wow...impressive. You are a good man, indeed. At this point, I can imagine you asking: "Well, sheesh...what can I do to make her feel better, then?" Good question. The answer? Not a darn thing. But fear not...all is not lost. Here is an insider's list of things that are marginally safe to say to your WUTTHA that may not get you in too much trouble but are certainly not guaranteed to help you out in any way. Try saying things like:
"Hi."
"No, you are not fat. Not now, not ever!"
"Here's the credit card, why don't you go shopping with some friends."
(This may sound extravagant but is really a win/win as it gets her out of the house for a while).
"Yes, I'd be happy to."
"You have every right to feel the way you feel."
(This may not be entirely truthful but she'll appreciate it, nonetheless.)
"I can see that you are upset, but I'd prefer that you don't call me an idiot, please, if you don't mind."
"Take all the time you need."
"Here are some tissues...just let it all out."
"Honey, what you need is a heating pad, some Advil, a good book and a little space."
"Why don't I take the kids out to see a movie while you hang out and watch whatever you want on TV."
And last but certainly not least..."Yes, dear."
Try to remember that being under the influence of hormones feels like a full body hostile takeover. It is only temporary insanity and we really wish there was a way we could keep you out of the cross-hairs of our crazy mixed up emotions. I think I speak on behalf of all of the WUTTHA's out there when I say "I sincerely apologize for any ongoing inconveniences you may be experiencing as a result of our raging hormones. We will make every effort to minimize your suffering and confusion and to take it easy on you as much as is humanly possible in the future."
Now, enough with the chit-chat. We want a foot-rub. ;0)
Blessings,
Cat
Okay, let me start with the first tip which is really the most important thing to remember as you are navigating the dangerous minefield of a woman under totally troublesome hormonal authority (who we will hereafter refer to as WUT-THA?) Here it is, and I'm capitalizing on purpose to get your attention:
#1 CRAZY PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA THEY ARE ACTING CRAZY.
This is important to remember because there will be certain times when you will want the WUTTHA in your life to own up to or even (hahaha!) apologize for her attitude or behavior while under the influence of hormones and she will have no earthly idea what you are talking about. She would rather eat dirt than say she is sorry for something she believes is a complete fabrication of your imagination. That is why you must learn to recognize the signs leading up to and during the duration of your WUTTHA's hormonal invasion so that you can protect yourself and others within her circle of influence. This leads us to survival tip #2.
#2 SORRY, I WAS JUST MESSING WITH YOU....THERE WILL ACTUALLY BE LITTLE OR NO WARNING BEFORE THE ONSET OF SYMPTOMS. This is one reason why we seem so cranky. One minute it's all sunshine and roses and then without warning...WHAMMO. We have an overwhelming urge to throw something across the room and hear it shatter into pieces for no apparent reason. Right after that we will burst into tears and sob uncontrollably about how much the thrown object meant to us. Does this kind of behavior make you uncomfortable? Well, that's too bad because in that moment, we won't particularly care and will demand that you hold us while we cry. So you see, there is unfortunately no preemptive strategy you can employ to prevent the inevitable emotional collateral damage (see I'm using man-speak to make this more palatable for you) but there are some steps you can take to mitigate the suffering. (Yours, not hers).
#3 Do not draw attention to her situation by asking pesky questions such as: Wow, what's your problem today? Are you on your...(you get the point.) This will only ignite a powder keg of unstable emotions. BOOM! No, sir...you don't want that.
#4 Under no circumstances should you laugh at her behavior in her presence. I cannot stress this enough. If you must laugh, stifle your outburst and hie yourself off to a safe distance, far away from the earshot of your WUTTHA. But be warned...our hormonal hearing is unnaturally acute and even if we don't actually hear the laughter, we will still feel that you are making fun of us. Fair warning: You indulge in humor at her expense at your own risk.
#5 Trying to make your WUTTHA feel better by showering her with compliments or offering sympathy will only backfire on you. Even delivered sincerely you will most likely be perceived as being patronizing. Do not, I repeat, do NOT tell her you know how she feels or compare her backache and cramps to the time you threw out your back playing baseball with your buddies. Trust me...not the same thing.
** It is important to note that while compliments and sympathy are not recommended, gifts are perfectly acceptable as long as you make a concerted effort not to say anything stupid during presentation of said gift.
Are you still with me? Wow...impressive. You are a good man, indeed. At this point, I can imagine you asking: "Well, sheesh...what can I do to make her feel better, then?" Good question. The answer? Not a darn thing. But fear not...all is not lost. Here is an insider's list of things that are marginally safe to say to your WUTTHA that may not get you in too much trouble but are certainly not guaranteed to help you out in any way. Try saying things like:
"Hi."
"No, you are not fat. Not now, not ever!"
"Here's the credit card, why don't you go shopping with some friends."
(This may sound extravagant but is really a win/win as it gets her out of the house for a while).
"Yes, I'd be happy to."
"You have every right to feel the way you feel."
(This may not be entirely truthful but she'll appreciate it, nonetheless.)
"I can see that you are upset, but I'd prefer that you don't call me an idiot, please, if you don't mind."
"Take all the time you need."
"Here are some tissues...just let it all out."
"Honey, what you need is a heating pad, some Advil, a good book and a little space."
"Why don't I take the kids out to see a movie while you hang out and watch whatever you want on TV."
And last but certainly not least..."Yes, dear."
Try to remember that being under the influence of hormones feels like a full body hostile takeover. It is only temporary insanity and we really wish there was a way we could keep you out of the cross-hairs of our crazy mixed up emotions. I think I speak on behalf of all of the WUTTHA's out there when I say "I sincerely apologize for any ongoing inconveniences you may be experiencing as a result of our raging hormones. We will make every effort to minimize your suffering and confusion and to take it easy on you as much as is humanly possible in the future."
Now, enough with the chit-chat. We want a foot-rub. ;0)
Blessings,
Cat
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Digging Out of the Rubble with a Teaspoon
Well, here it is, folks. 2012 has arrived right on time and I'm so happy to see that many of you are full of energy and vitality and resolve. Good for you! I, on the other hand, feel like one of those old cars you see people having to push to get a little momentum and then pop the clutch to get 'er going. Just not feelin' it today. My alarm didn't go off this morning and by the grace of God I woke up at 7:15 and was actually able to get the kids to school on time and everyone seemed to be in pretty good spirits. Me? I'm dragging a bit. I have a fever and a sore throat and aches and pains. I just need ONE MORE DAY OF VACATION.
Realistically, one day won't do it for me. As some of you know, we have been on vacation in Niagara Falls since Christmas day. Before that I was working non-stop on a Christmas parade float for the elementary school (We won the Committee's Choice Award!) and then it was room mom and pod mom responsibilities for the school Christmas parties, etc. and trying to deck my own halls and get ready for Santa and get packed for vacation. To say that my regular chores have been neglected would be like saying that Mount Everest is kind of high. Major understatement. I am deep in the rubble and feel like I'm armed with only a teaspoon to dig myself out.
This is all my fault. I do it every year even though I say that I won't. I still have what my husband calls a speech impediment which prevents me from saying the word 'no' to anyone but him. I really enjoy the holidays but get so over-committed that I let things go by the wayside and end up at the beginning of January with a house full of clutter and half done projects and I stand around helplessly with my hands on my hips trying to figure out what to do first.
Here's what I've decided: I'm taking the day off today to focus on list making and assigning myself and the kids tasks to get started on. I'm doing essential laundry to be sure my kids don't have to go to school in 40 degree weather in shorts and t-shirts and will have matching socks and clean underwear. I'm putting a roast in the crockpot and then I'm taking a slug of Nyquil and taking a long winter's nap until time to get the kids from school. That's it. That's my big plan. Not very impressive, I know but at least I have a sort of strategy in place to move forward. David called to inform me that he has a meeting with the Vice President of the company until 8pm so that pretty much prohibits me from doing anything out of the house after the kids get home from school. I won't lie...that works for me!
So what if I am starting off the New Year at a snail's pace? Slow and steady wins the race, right? No condemnation or self flagellation, here. I'm ignoring the rubble for the immediate future. My teaspoon will be unavailable today for anything except stirring a cup of hot tea with lemon. Happy New Year and may God bless you and keep you now and always.
Blessings,
~Cat
Realistically, one day won't do it for me. As some of you know, we have been on vacation in Niagara Falls since Christmas day. Before that I was working non-stop on a Christmas parade float for the elementary school (We won the Committee's Choice Award!) and then it was room mom and pod mom responsibilities for the school Christmas parties, etc. and trying to deck my own halls and get ready for Santa and get packed for vacation. To say that my regular chores have been neglected would be like saying that Mount Everest is kind of high. Major understatement. I am deep in the rubble and feel like I'm armed with only a teaspoon to dig myself out.
This is all my fault. I do it every year even though I say that I won't. I still have what my husband calls a speech impediment which prevents me from saying the word 'no' to anyone but him. I really enjoy the holidays but get so over-committed that I let things go by the wayside and end up at the beginning of January with a house full of clutter and half done projects and I stand around helplessly with my hands on my hips trying to figure out what to do first.
Here's what I've decided: I'm taking the day off today to focus on list making and assigning myself and the kids tasks to get started on. I'm doing essential laundry to be sure my kids don't have to go to school in 40 degree weather in shorts and t-shirts and will have matching socks and clean underwear. I'm putting a roast in the crockpot and then I'm taking a slug of Nyquil and taking a long winter's nap until time to get the kids from school. That's it. That's my big plan. Not very impressive, I know but at least I have a sort of strategy in place to move forward. David called to inform me that he has a meeting with the Vice President of the company until 8pm so that pretty much prohibits me from doing anything out of the house after the kids get home from school. I won't lie...that works for me!
So what if I am starting off the New Year at a snail's pace? Slow and steady wins the race, right? No condemnation or self flagellation, here. I'm ignoring the rubble for the immediate future. My teaspoon will be unavailable today for anything except stirring a cup of hot tea with lemon. Happy New Year and may God bless you and keep you now and always.
Blessings,
~Cat
Friday, December 16, 2011
A Christmas Case for Grace
Grace of God -(n) (Christian theology) the free and unmerited favor or beneficence of God; "God's grace is manifested in the salvation of sinners"; "there but for the grace of God go I..."
You hear the word bandied about all the time. Grace. It is a pretty popular word in the Christian vernacular. I've talked about it and sang about it all of my life but never really fully embraced the word or it's meaning until a few years ago. Looking back on my life now, I see grace not as a noun but as an active verb. A very present and absolutely incredible outpouring of God's perfect love at exactly the right time, almost always when I had nothing left to hang on to. Let me explain...
By now, everyone knows that my childhood was less than ideal. Join the club, right? Well, like a lot of other children in difficult family situations, fear was an oppressive and constant occupant of my thought life. I was always on alert for the winds of unrest to begin brewing and for the inevitable storms that almost always followed. Unfortunately, as a young adult, I began experiencing tempests of my own creation. History repeating itself, or something like that. I was a maker of messes in my own life and in the lives of others. Not something I'm particularly proud of. But, God, being God, had always had other plans for me. I was saved by grace. Again and again.
I didn't deserve it. None of us do. We pray for God to perform miracles and healing and to...well...perform. We go to Him in prayer with the words 'I want' or 'I need'. As if giving us life, a beautiful planet to sustain us and the ability to love one another were not enough. We want and need more. Much more. And He gives of Himself...endlessly pouring out more and more. Again...grace.
How does all of this relate to Christmas? Let me present my case...
When I was around eight or nine years old I truly believed that my mother hated me. Might have had something to do with the fact that she told me so...in a moment of irrational, alcoholic anger...and she apologized later...but once those words are expelled it is nearly impossible to remove them from your mind. I felt hopeless and unloved a lot in those days. It was almost Christmas and one of my favorite pastimes was looking under the tree, counting my presents and shaking them, trying to figure out what was inside. That year? Nothing. Nada. It seemed to reinforce the fact that I was not loved or even thought of. And then Christmas finally arrived and after most of everyone's gifts were opened my mom got up and left the room. She returned, smiling mischievously, with a huge gift wrapped box. To my delight and amazement it was for me and inside were what seemed to be endless, individually wrapped presents my mother had selected just for me. As I opened each gift, each more thoughtful than the next, I had a revelation and I began to feel the love flowing back into me. I realized that day that though I sometimes felt broken and lost and my mom had her own issues and limitations, she truly loved me as best as she could. I know in my spirit that God spoke into my mother's heart by His grace and helped her to show her love for me in such a way that no matter how bad things got between us later, I never doubted her love for me again. Only God would know how important that would be to me as time passed and the stormy years appeared on the horizon. That's what is so beautiful about grace. It is applied as a balm to the past, a blessing in the present time or even as a buffer for future events as God sees the need. I love Him so much for that!
The other story involves our struggle with infertility. Every Christmas, for several years, I prayed that God would send us a Christmas miracle (I want, I need) and that we would have the baby we were dreaming of. Every year that passed I felt more resolved to pray harder and believe bigger. That is the grace of God in action. There is no other way to describe the feeling of certainty during very trying times that by faith, through God's grace, we would have the family we wanted so much. I just knew it would happen and never gave up hope. After seven years of heartbreak and loss, fertility treatment, a succession of incredible mini-miracles and a move across the country, our baby Patrick was born on December 13th just in time for Christmas. God's grace was there to see us through. Our marriage and relationship was strengthened through the process, and two and a half years later we welcomed beautiful, healthy twin babies into our family. An amazing miracle indeed. Only God could have pulled off something like that!
To read the full story, click here: http://livinglikekingsburys.blogspot.com/2010/02/okay.html
The most obvious story of Christmas grace is, of course, the original one. He gave His only son as a sacrifice to atone for the sins and transgressions of a fallen world. He knew what the price would be before the foundations of the world but He was willing to pay it. He decided we were worth it. How is that for amazing? When there was nothing left to hang on to but fear, and the stormy mess created by sin and disobedience had left irreparable damage in its wake. When there was only an enduring desire for a love that was broken and lost. He saved the world with a gift of amazing grace that will never be surpassed. A baby that arrived just in time for Christmas. For God so loved the world that we once were lost but now are found. We were bound but now we're free. Jesus lives, He loves and He reigns, hallelujah!
I rest my case.
Merry Christmas,
Cat
You hear the word bandied about all the time. Grace. It is a pretty popular word in the Christian vernacular. I've talked about it and sang about it all of my life but never really fully embraced the word or it's meaning until a few years ago. Looking back on my life now, I see grace not as a noun but as an active verb. A very present and absolutely incredible outpouring of God's perfect love at exactly the right time, almost always when I had nothing left to hang on to. Let me explain...
By now, everyone knows that my childhood was less than ideal. Join the club, right? Well, like a lot of other children in difficult family situations, fear was an oppressive and constant occupant of my thought life. I was always on alert for the winds of unrest to begin brewing and for the inevitable storms that almost always followed. Unfortunately, as a young adult, I began experiencing tempests of my own creation. History repeating itself, or something like that. I was a maker of messes in my own life and in the lives of others. Not something I'm particularly proud of. But, God, being God, had always had other plans for me. I was saved by grace. Again and again.
I didn't deserve it. None of us do. We pray for God to perform miracles and healing and to...well...perform. We go to Him in prayer with the words 'I want' or 'I need'. As if giving us life, a beautiful planet to sustain us and the ability to love one another were not enough. We want and need more. Much more. And He gives of Himself...endlessly pouring out more and more. Again...grace.
How does all of this relate to Christmas? Let me present my case...
When I was around eight or nine years old I truly believed that my mother hated me. Might have had something to do with the fact that she told me so...in a moment of irrational, alcoholic anger...and she apologized later...but once those words are expelled it is nearly impossible to remove them from your mind. I felt hopeless and unloved a lot in those days. It was almost Christmas and one of my favorite pastimes was looking under the tree, counting my presents and shaking them, trying to figure out what was inside. That year? Nothing. Nada. It seemed to reinforce the fact that I was not loved or even thought of. And then Christmas finally arrived and after most of everyone's gifts were opened my mom got up and left the room. She returned, smiling mischievously, with a huge gift wrapped box. To my delight and amazement it was for me and inside were what seemed to be endless, individually wrapped presents my mother had selected just for me. As I opened each gift, each more thoughtful than the next, I had a revelation and I began to feel the love flowing back into me. I realized that day that though I sometimes felt broken and lost and my mom had her own issues and limitations, she truly loved me as best as she could. I know in my spirit that God spoke into my mother's heart by His grace and helped her to show her love for me in such a way that no matter how bad things got between us later, I never doubted her love for me again. Only God would know how important that would be to me as time passed and the stormy years appeared on the horizon. That's what is so beautiful about grace. It is applied as a balm to the past, a blessing in the present time or even as a buffer for future events as God sees the need. I love Him so much for that!
The other story involves our struggle with infertility. Every Christmas, for several years, I prayed that God would send us a Christmas miracle (I want, I need) and that we would have the baby we were dreaming of. Every year that passed I felt more resolved to pray harder and believe bigger. That is the grace of God in action. There is no other way to describe the feeling of certainty during very trying times that by faith, through God's grace, we would have the family we wanted so much. I just knew it would happen and never gave up hope. After seven years of heartbreak and loss, fertility treatment, a succession of incredible mini-miracles and a move across the country, our baby Patrick was born on December 13th just in time for Christmas. God's grace was there to see us through. Our marriage and relationship was strengthened through the process, and two and a half years later we welcomed beautiful, healthy twin babies into our family. An amazing miracle indeed. Only God could have pulled off something like that!
To read the full story, click here: http://livinglikekingsburys.blogspot.com/2010/02/okay.html
The most obvious story of Christmas grace is, of course, the original one. He gave His only son as a sacrifice to atone for the sins and transgressions of a fallen world. He knew what the price would be before the foundations of the world but He was willing to pay it. He decided we were worth it. How is that for amazing? When there was nothing left to hang on to but fear, and the stormy mess created by sin and disobedience had left irreparable damage in its wake. When there was only an enduring desire for a love that was broken and lost. He saved the world with a gift of amazing grace that will never be surpassed. A baby that arrived just in time for Christmas. For God so loved the world that we once were lost but now are found. We were bound but now we're free. Jesus lives, He loves and He reigns, hallelujah!
I rest my case.
Merry Christmas,
Cat
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Minding My Own Business
You know, if you spend a lot of time online reading other peoples' Facebook posts and checking out their random musings and shared links, it can be pretty time consuming. I mean, following that train of thought, just reading my blog and my abundance of opinions and thoughts takes up your time, as well. Of course I may be a bit biased but I consider reading my blog to be time well spent. Still, the other day I was scrolling through Facebook status updates and was taken aback by how many were tirelessly posting heated opinions, both pro and con, about Kim Kardashian and that whole wedding fiasco thing. The other hot topic that folks seemed to be heated about is the Occupy Wall Street movement. People were taking it all really personally. That's what people do, I guess.
I'm not really all that into celebrities and their antics. I think I lost interest in keeping up with the lives of people I've never met and probably never will at about the same time that I had Patrick. Just got completely infatuated with my baby and didn't have time for much else. Anyway, my point is, I just don't normally get personally involved with the lives of strangers. Well, except for waking up at the crack of dawn to have a party with my kids and a friend for the Royal Wedding. I guess that would be considered personal involvement in the lives of total strangers, now wouldn't it? Okay...so maybe I'm a bit interested in the lives of others but not that much. Ha!
Anyway, I guess the reason we get into the lives of others has to do with the whole "grass is greener on the other side of the fence" thing. Or in the case of the Kardashians, "the grass is way browner than mine on the other side of her fence even though her fence probably cost more than my actual house." It's fun to imagine what it must be like for others to have all of the stuff we wish we had. Then it becomes satisfying in a totally creepy way when we see that sometimes, even though others have the all the stuff we think we want, they appear to be just as miserable as we are without it. Funny how that works, isn't it? We humans are pretty silly sometimes.
Which put me in mind of this, and sorry to get all political here, but the other day while I was watching a video of the Occupy Wall Street protesters, I was trying to figure out what the message was that they were actually trying to convey and all I could come up with was this: 'They have what I don't, so I want what they have.' Sort of. I'm not sure what they are after exactly...It seems that collectively, they don't either. There were lots of issues floating around in the air along with some other things that shall remain nameless. Certainly, you can't ignore the fact that they are out there and they are not happy with the status quo. I know it's rough out there for a lot of folks. As for me? I guess I am the "1%" that they so despise. I'm in the one percent because my husband, who comes from a middle class family, went to college with money which came in part from family savings, but most of which he earned by working at Hardee's, having a newspaper route, and earning academic scholarships to the Colorado School of Mines. When I met him, he was working at his first job as a process chemical engineer at a dreaded, eee-vil corporation in Corpus Christi, Texas, which so happens to produce the materials for just about every item that you use in your daily life, including the car you drive and most likely the device on which you are reading this post.
At that time he had an old rust bucket Toyota Corolla which he had to start by spraying carburetor cleaner into the engine. It took some powerful persuasion from me to convince him to sell that car long after he could afford a new one but it was unarguably unsafe. Our first home together was a tiny little shoe box of a condo that had a small sink, a mini-fridge and a two burner cook-top. We were deliriously happy there. We had each other and big dreams. It was a humble beginning to say the least. We all have to start out at the beginning, don't we? To this day, I have never met anyone with the work ethic and determination that motivates my husband. He cares about people, his industry and the environment. He's a Godly man, a great father and loving husband. Almost 17 years later, he still unselfishly works his butt off to provide a pretty stellar life for his family. He is generous and charitable. He is the "1%." There are countless others like us out there. If you have a problem with that? Well...I hate that for ya. This may not be a popular point of view. I realize I am only scratching the surface of the issue, here but I only have so much space. I know some of you will not like me saying these things and I'm sorry for that...but they happen to be true. Do I think the US Government is all right? No. Do I think they are all wrong? No. Somewhere in the murky middle? Maybe. Still...I am proud to be an American and believe in this country and the American dream because we are living it.
Of course everyone has the right to express their views. I actually love that about this country. My view is that maybe the best thing for us to do is to stop being so interested in minding the business of others and be about God's business, instead. We were never promised that life would be fair. No matter where we are in life, there will always be someone way worse off and way better off than we are. Maybe the best place to focus our energy is not being envious or angry at those who have more than we do but thinking of ways that we can use the things we do have to be a blessing in the lives of others. Believe me...I know what it is like to start out with NOTHING. I am also experiencing the shared journey of building a life out of hard work, determination, faith, hope and love with the man of my dreams and through the power and mercy of our heavenly Father. Nice work if you can get it. And now, I will just be quiet and mind my own business. Until next time...:0)
Blessings,
Cat
I'm not really all that into celebrities and their antics. I think I lost interest in keeping up with the lives of people I've never met and probably never will at about the same time that I had Patrick. Just got completely infatuated with my baby and didn't have time for much else. Anyway, my point is, I just don't normally get personally involved with the lives of strangers. Well, except for waking up at the crack of dawn to have a party with my kids and a friend for the Royal Wedding. I guess that would be considered personal involvement in the lives of total strangers, now wouldn't it? Okay...so maybe I'm a bit interested in the lives of others but not that much. Ha!
Anyway, I guess the reason we get into the lives of others has to do with the whole "grass is greener on the other side of the fence" thing. Or in the case of the Kardashians, "the grass is way browner than mine on the other side of her fence even though her fence probably cost more than my actual house." It's fun to imagine what it must be like for others to have all of the stuff we wish we had. Then it becomes satisfying in a totally creepy way when we see that sometimes, even though others have the all the stuff we think we want, they appear to be just as miserable as we are without it. Funny how that works, isn't it? We humans are pretty silly sometimes.
Which put me in mind of this, and sorry to get all political here, but the other day while I was watching a video of the Occupy Wall Street protesters, I was trying to figure out what the message was that they were actually trying to convey and all I could come up with was this: 'They have what I don't, so I want what they have.' Sort of. I'm not sure what they are after exactly...It seems that collectively, they don't either. There were lots of issues floating around in the air along with some other things that shall remain nameless. Certainly, you can't ignore the fact that they are out there and they are not happy with the status quo. I know it's rough out there for a lot of folks. As for me? I guess I am the "1%" that they so despise. I'm in the one percent because my husband, who comes from a middle class family, went to college with money which came in part from family savings, but most of which he earned by working at Hardee's, having a newspaper route, and earning academic scholarships to the Colorado School of Mines. When I met him, he was working at his first job as a process chemical engineer at a dreaded, eee-vil corporation in Corpus Christi, Texas, which so happens to produce the materials for just about every item that you use in your daily life, including the car you drive and most likely the device on which you are reading this post.
At that time he had an old rust bucket Toyota Corolla which he had to start by spraying carburetor cleaner into the engine. It took some powerful persuasion from me to convince him to sell that car long after he could afford a new one but it was unarguably unsafe. Our first home together was a tiny little shoe box of a condo that had a small sink, a mini-fridge and a two burner cook-top. We were deliriously happy there. We had each other and big dreams. It was a humble beginning to say the least. We all have to start out at the beginning, don't we? To this day, I have never met anyone with the work ethic and determination that motivates my husband. He cares about people, his industry and the environment. He's a Godly man, a great father and loving husband. Almost 17 years later, he still unselfishly works his butt off to provide a pretty stellar life for his family. He is generous and charitable. He is the "1%." There are countless others like us out there. If you have a problem with that? Well...I hate that for ya. This may not be a popular point of view. I realize I am only scratching the surface of the issue, here but I only have so much space. I know some of you will not like me saying these things and I'm sorry for that...but they happen to be true. Do I think the US Government is all right? No. Do I think they are all wrong? No. Somewhere in the murky middle? Maybe. Still...I am proud to be an American and believe in this country and the American dream because we are living it.
Of course everyone has the right to express their views. I actually love that about this country. My view is that maybe the best thing for us to do is to stop being so interested in minding the business of others and be about God's business, instead. We were never promised that life would be fair. No matter where we are in life, there will always be someone way worse off and way better off than we are. Maybe the best place to focus our energy is not being envious or angry at those who have more than we do but thinking of ways that we can use the things we do have to be a blessing in the lives of others. Believe me...I know what it is like to start out with NOTHING. I am also experiencing the shared journey of building a life out of hard work, determination, faith, hope and love with the man of my dreams and through the power and mercy of our heavenly Father. Nice work if you can get it. And now, I will just be quiet and mind my own business. Until next time...:0)
Blessings,
Cat
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Your Mama's So Crazy...
This will be a quick post because A) My posts are too long anyway and B) It's all I have time for and C) My life is just CRAZY these days! I just got in from having breakfast at the book fair with Michael and Mattie. It was chaotic and fun and expensive but totally worth it. Today is grandparents day at the book fair. I was there because I totally spaced out with Monday being Halloween and missed 'Muffins with Mom'. This sent my little 7 year old drama queen into a full-on tailspin. "But Mah-aahm...(she pauses for dramatic effect) you HAVE to do it on Grand's day because Daddy has to be there for 'Donuts with Dad' and they DON'T ALLOW MOMS ON THAT DAY!" So, as penance for being a crazy-busy, forgetful mommy...there I was this morning at the book fair with all of the grandparents and other forgetful mommies. Being an older mom, I guess I fit right in anyway. Oh, the shame! Heehee...
I love my kids. After she got so upset this morning, I told her that of course I would go but I would have to hurry to get ready. She jumped into my arms and nuzzled my neck with her little tear-stained face and whispered into my ear "Mommy...you are my best treasure. I'll help you with whatever you need." WOW. I'm so grateful now that I didn't say 'no' to her. Big Bonus for me! All three of them pitched in without complaining and helped me get ready in time. Patrick was so sweet and funny and Michael even made it to the car without forgetting his socks or shoes or backpack or anything! Crazy? Maybe. Happy and grateful? You better believe it.
It's the little things, isn't it?
Blessings,
Cat
I love my kids. After she got so upset this morning, I told her that of course I would go but I would have to hurry to get ready. She jumped into my arms and nuzzled my neck with her little tear-stained face and whispered into my ear "Mommy...you are my best treasure. I'll help you with whatever you need." WOW. I'm so grateful now that I didn't say 'no' to her. Big Bonus for me! All three of them pitched in without complaining and helped me get ready in time. Patrick was so sweet and funny and Michael even made it to the car without forgetting his socks or shoes or backpack or anything! Crazy? Maybe. Happy and grateful? You better believe it.
It's the little things, isn't it?
Blessings,
Cat
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