I'm Sexy and I Know It

Okay, okay...simmer down. I know you want to run for the hills but before you get all pious and pinchy in the face with righteous indignation and become all judgmental and skeptical and whatnot...gird your loins and hear me out. I'm going somewhere with this.

Let me start by saying that first of all, I've been monogamously married to the same man for 15 years. Sex is not a dirty word. Second of all, I'm forty-(nunnayobizness) years old and have some pretty solid life experience behind me to share and third of all...I'm three weeks post-op from a hysterectomy/prolapse repair surgery and the only thing going on in my bedroom these days involves a lot of reading and channel surfing and some epic napping. So why the racy title? Because this is my final chapter in the whole hysterectomy journey saga and I'd like to end it with a bang. (Pun most cleverly intended!) ;0)

You see, I came into this whole experience with a lot of pre-conceived notions, most of which were obtained by second hand information both from well meaning friends and family and from reading (often horror) stories of those who had boldly gone before me and then decided to post about it on the internet. I cannot stress to you enough how much I wish I had NEVER looked up 'hysterectomy, prolapse repair success stories' online. Talk about TMI!! Nope, no more seeking medical information online for me. Just ratchets up the anxiety level and who needs that?

One of  the recurring themes that I encountered most often was that after hysterectomy, a person's libido could be permanently adversely affected.  As one woman in an online forum put it: "When my husband looks at me in that way, I want to run and hide." YIKES! I won't lie...this was my #1 concern (aside from not waking up from the anesthesia) going into surgery. I'm in a healthy happy marriage and intimacy is a big deal. I did not want to lose that part of our life together and for it to be all my fault. I fretted and read more stuff and the more I read, the more I fretted. Typical of me. In the end, I did what I should have done right from the beginning. I prayed and asked God to have His way in my life and my health and my marriage and just gave it all to Him. What else can you do?

My surgery was a success. They removed my uterus, which was rather enlarged. I also had a fluid filled Fallopian tube that had expanded and was basically like a water balloon. I am so glad to have all of that out! Aside from some setbacks here and there, I am recovering well and healing slowly but surely. I am so grateful for all of the excellent care I received from the doctors and nurses at Woman's Hospital of Texas. I'm glad it's over and glad to be home resting. And there's another thing I'm glad about...

Two weeks after my surgery, I had showered and done my hair and put on a cute little sundress and a little makeup just so I could feel human again. I was standing in the bathroom, brushing my hair and my husband came in and said "Wow, you look so beautiful, honey." We stood looking in the mirror at each other for a moment and all of the familiar feelings came rushing back. Maybe even a little stronger than before. Suffice it to say that even though I can't do anything about it for a few more weeks, (wink, wink...nudge nudge) I have most definitely NOT "lost that lovin' feeling." (Said with a big grin and an emphatic fist pump).

So...why am I risking embarrassing myself by telling you all of this? Because it is SO important to me to get the message out there to anyone, young or older, who has to go through this surgery (either now or in the future) that there is hope. That not only can you feel better physically, it is not a death sentence for your love life. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Even if it isn't right at first, my doctor assured me that there are things that can be done to help along the way. Just trust and all will be well. Also, do yourself a favor and try to stay off the internet.

Just as I prayed, I'm already feeling that when all is said and done, I'll be stronger than I've ever been. Healthier than I've been in a long time and back to my sassy self again very soon. It may take some time but I'm content in the knowledge that everything is as it should be. You never know...I might be taking up Zumba in a few weeks. Better look out, David. Hey, if you're lucky I might even give you a running start.

Me, sexy? You better know it.

Blessings,
~Cat