My mom used to say "The only thing permanent in life is change." It's been 3 years since she passed away and I'm beginning to realize that my mom said a lot of cool stuff that I ignored because, well...she was my mom. Sometimes I wish I would have listened to her a little more. But that's not really where I was going with this.
What made me think of that particular quote has to do with some events that transpired last week. As most of you already know...I'm scheduled to have a hysterectomy on May 9th. I have been through several emotional ups and downs since deciding to go forward with the surgery but was glad to finally have all of the logistics buttoned down and was basically just ticking days off the calendar until the big day. I was finally in a place of peace about the whole thing. Silly of me, I suppose. In one phone call to the doctor's office, all of our well laid plans were upended and now there is stress and a mess. Change.
It all started because I got a notice from my oldest son's teacher and realized that his spring play was taking place on the same day at the same time as my pre-op consult. Naturally, I am not willing to miss the play so I wanted to reschedule my appointment. After holding for a l-o-n-g time, I was connected to my doctor's nurse. "Oh, Mrs. Kingsbury" she said..."We were going to call you." Ugh. That is never good, right? "The thing is," she continued, "your Dr. is retiring on April 27th." Retiring? What the what? I just scheduled this surgery less than 2 months ago. I felt gut-punched. I was angry and confused. My first instinct was to let her have it with both barrels but thankfully, I didn't obey that instinct. (That's probably because over the years, my first instinct hasn't always yielded the best results, if you know what I mean. At least I'm living and learning in that regard). So I was just quiet and I listened. Totally out of character for me. Ha!
The nurse went on to quickly 'reassure' me that my surgery was still on the schedule with another Dr. and that my pre-op consult could take place on May 2 in order to allow me to go to my son's play and wouldn't that all work out quite nicely? Wow. I just sat on the other end of the line with my mouth literally hanging open. Seriously? I'm scheduled for surgery without my knowledge with a doctor I've never even met and nobody has even bothered to consult me first? Not cool. I don't know when they were planning to let me in on that little tidbit. Good thing I called, huh? My husband has rearranged his work schedule to take time off to care for me. My in-laws have already booked airline tickets to come and help out. I don't have a lot of time to figure out a plan B. I was upset, to put it mildly.
As it turns out, there is a very legitimate and understandable reason for my Dr. suddenly retiring without much notice. I won't go into it here. There is also a reason why I am not feeling secure or comfortable with the Dr. they have rescheduled me with (won't go into that, either). I'm glad I was not openly angry or confrontational on the phone. Wouldn't have done any good and would have made me appear foolish and without compassion. I do have compassion and I do care. The thing is, I have some big decisions to make in a short time. I won't lie...it's all a bit overwhelming.
The funny thing is, I really do see God in this situation. I know that none of this comes as a surprise to Him. I know He already has the solution in place. The problem is that it came as a surprise to me. I am trying my best to strike a balance between trusting God to work it all out in my best interests and taking the appropriate action required to ensure the best possible outcome. Not an easy line to walk when emotions are high and other peoples lives and schedules are involved. My prayer today is that God will illuminate my path forward and give me the discernment I need to recognize His will and to have the peace that comes with knowing what He would have me do. I could really use your prayers right now, my friends. Thanks in advance.
Yes, change is a constant in life. Thankfully, so are grace and mercy. I'll be needing a lot of both in the weeks to come. As of now, my surgery is still scheduled for May 9th. If that doesn't work out, I guess I'll just have to stop, drop to my knees and then roll with the changes. Either way, I'll keep you posted.