Deliberate Density

I almost titled this post Selective Stupidity but when I remembered I would be discussing the behavior and habits of my own children I realized that probably wouldn't be appropriate. In my defense, I was tired, aggravated and annoyed at the time and wasn't thinking clearly. Another potential title might have been Opportunistically Obtuse but that's just too much of a mouthful.

FIRST, A DISCLAIMER: My children are highly intelligent, well mannered, articulate, easily manageable, kind, loving, and sensitive little people. Really, I'm not just saying that. I know lots of people who will back me up on that. I completely love and adore them all. But there are times....

I have to wonder how the same children, who can remember with uncanny precision every single solitary goofy word to practically every movie, video or annoying song they've ever heard without missing a beat, cannot seem to remember to pick up the clothes they leave on the floor after being reminded SEVERAL TIMES EVERY DAY FOR PRACTICALLY THEIR ENTIRE LIVES??!! This is continually baffling to me. This also applies to closing the door when they enter or leave the house. This is not a difficult skill to master. You just grab the little round knob and pull, for heaven's sake! And yet...I'll bet I say "Close the door, you're letting in bugs and letting out cold air!" about twenty times a day. (Per kid!) I also hear myself say "I know you know better than this" and "Why do I have to tell you over and over, you should have done it the first time I asked you!" The worst part? They're making me sound like my mother and, well, naturally, I can't stand that.

And another thing...how is it that they remember every thing I say that benefits them or serves their little kid agendas but they can't seem to remember many of the things I've asked them to do? Prime Example: "Mom, you said we would go to Toys 'R Expensive (my name for it), so when are we going? Today? Can we go today? You said, Mom, You said." Of course they conveniently forget the part about having to clean their rooms and do extra things around the house in order to go. That part somehow doesn't get deposited into their usually acute memory banks.

This same breach of brainpower comes into play when it comes to the issue of their personal safety. I wish I had a dime for every time I've walked into the room unannounced and have uttered in astonishment: "Oh, Lord, what are ya'll thinking? Somebody's gonna get hurt!" Once I even walked into the (2nd story) playroom and found they had opened the shutters and the window, removed the screen and were leaning out the window looking down!! I've caught them doing any number of completely boneheaded things and I think to myself; I know these are reasonably smart children...where have I gone wrong? Knock on wood, we have not experienced any broken bones or visits to the hospital (with the exception of Mattie who had to be hospitalized for four days after her toe got infected with Staph).

These are (who I consider to be) exceptionally bright children, so it begs the question: Are they doing it on purpose? Are they plotting and planning to systematically wear me down until I give up and just stop asking them to do their chores? Are they hoping I'll be so mentally exhausted by the time they are teenagers that they'll be able to ask me anything and I'll blankly answer "yes, of course, dear and by the way, here's a $20" to all of their requests? If so, they'll be mightily disappointed. Oh, yeah, that's right...Mama is on to them now. Ha!

I hope you took the time to watch the video as it illustrates just what I'm up against here. As my great grandfather, Papa would say: "It's not that they're not smart, it's just sometimes they ain't got no sense." That explains it perfectly.

Summer's halfway over. Say a prayer for me. I'm gonna need it!

Blessings,

Cat

Stay Home Moms vs Working Moms

Okay, I know this is a sensitive subject but one worth exploring. I saw a thread on a friend's FB wall (she's a teacher) where she was joking around about how fed up she was with her kids complaining about being bored and how ready she was to go back to work where she could get some peace. What followed was a little surprising to me as some of the women who commented got all competitive and snarky and judgmental and stuff.

Why is it that we, as women, feel the need to compare ourselves to one another and then waste so much time trying to justify our lives and our choices? I'll be honest...I do it too. I try not to but it just happens sometimes (usually when I see a super fit mom with abs you could bounce a quarter off of who has 4 kids. I hate that.) On the subject of motherhood, though it seems like the lines are drawn when it comes to public opinion. I am a stay at home mom. My choice (and David's of course). One I'm grateful to be able to make. Does that mean I don't work because I'm not a 'working mom'? Of course not. I seem to be able to keep myself quite busy. Does it mean that I'm a superior mother because I stay home and focus my energy on running my home? Nope, sure doesn't. Sometimes I really wish I had the extra income that working outside the home would provide. Someday I may choose that option.

There are all kinds of moms out there. Some good (Me), some bad (Casey Anthony) but the question is: Why the comparisons, why the judgment and why the opinionated commentary on other peoples' life choices? I've seen women looking down their noses at moms who don't feed their kids all organic foods. I've heard women criticizing others for not having their kids in organized sports. This actually happened to me. A woman at the store asked me what my kids were involved in and when I said they all did karate she said "but your boys should be in baseball by now...it's really important for you to get them involved in sports at a young age." Really....what's it to her or anyone else what activities my kids are involved in. Or what they eat. Or if they are vaccinated. Or if they pick their noses or suck their thumbs. Or if they know their multiplication tables by the age of 3. Or if I work outside the home or whatever. I just don't get it. I'll do me. You do you.

My suggestion? Don't use the word 'just' when you ask a woman if she stays home with her kids. And don't say 'oh, do you have to work' as if it's a bad thing to women who work outside the home. Fact is, it's really none of our business what other people choose to do. Women should be building each other up as mothers instead of putting them down. I'm not pro 'stay home mom' or pro 'working mom' I'm pro MOM. Period.

That's just my opinion. Feel free to weigh in with yours.

Blessings,

Cat

Quit Doggin' Me!

I gotta tell ya, I am not now nor have I ever been a 'dog person.' The random hairs stuck all over black clothes, the occasional whoopsies on the carpet, barking, bad breath and other unmentionable odor issues, random surprise bug and rodent remains proudly displayed on the front door mat. Nope, having a dog was never on my short list of must-haves.
And yet...we have Sparky. Sparky is a Chihuahua, Rat Terrier mix dog who we adopted a couple of years ago. The kids wanted a dog and I had held them off for some time by insisting that we would not be getting a dog until they were ready to clean up dog poop. This worked very well until one year, right before Christmas, Mattie came into the room and boldly announced that she was ready to clean up the poop so could we please go out right then and pick out a new weenie dog for her.

Having parented myself into a corner, I was left with no choice but to begin searching for a dog that would be suitable for the whole family. On February 14th, we found a Dachshund online that the kids fell in love with on sight and so we called ahead to tell them we wanted the dog and headed out to Kingwood to pick her up. We arrived at the adoption location only to find that the dog that the kids had picked out had already been adopted. Very disappointed, we began looking at other dogs to see if there might be another option.

Sitting off in a corner away from the other dogs, a rather sad looking elderly couple were holding a scrawny (but very cute) little dog on their laps. We approached them and discovered that they weren't part of the adoption group, they had come out on their own to see if someone would be able to adopt this little dog who had been dumped in their neighborhood. They were reluctant to let him go because they had become attached to the poor little guy but just couldn't keep him. We all fell in love with him and decided that he was 'the one.' As we drove away the couple informed us that the dog's name was Pee Wee. Needless to say we were not crazy about naming a dog after pee or wee since we didn't want to give the little guy any ideas and it frankly sounded downright undignified. Soon after we brought him home, Pee Wee became Sparky and fortunately suffered no apparent long term identity crisis.

Sparky is a shameless attention junkie. The more he gets, the more he wants. He follows me around all day as if I were the center of his little canine universe. Until...David gets home.
At that point, I cease to exist in Sparky's world and he follows David around in ridiculous doggie devotion. He is fickle and stubborn and he drives me crazy.

In just one morning a few months ago, Sparky reduced me to a humiliated mess of frustration. We had just bought my first ever brand new car and I finally fell for his little pitiful puppy face and agreed to let him ride to school when I dropped off the kids. This particular morning I was rushed and was wearing my PJ's and a bathrobe. (I know, not cool, but wadda ya gonna do?) So anyway, Sparky starts heaving like he's going to be sick. So there I am, dropping off Patrick, holding the dog out the door, and trying not to wreck the car into the lady in front of me. As I drove out of the parking lot I had to put Sparky back into the car after which he proceeded to throw up in my new car.

After we arrived home, as I was cleaning up the mess he made on the floor board, he jumped out of the car having fully recovered from his stomach issues and ran out in the road to face down the garbage truck. He took his stance defiantly in front of the truck and WOULD NOT BUDGE. I called, whistled, clapped and threatened until I finally had to go out in the middle of the road (in my pajamas, mind you)and physically remove Sparky out of the driver's way. Quite embarrassing, to say the least.

Sparky's little walnut sized brain has convinced him that his barking and tough guy posture single-handedly chases away intruders of all kinds. Especially the yard guys or the UPS truck. He barks incessantly until whoever is invading his doggie territory leaves. Then, having tuckered himself out with all the exertion from barking and growling, he curls up behind the couch cushions and conks out for the day.

I flatly refused to let him on the couch. BUT. He is currently curled up by my head on the back of the couch. I pronounced that I would never allow a dog in my bed. BUT. In a few minutes, he'll go in my room and curl up in bed between David and I. I said I wouldn't clean up after him. BUT. I'm the one who feeds him and cleans up his occasional unexpected carpet surprises. No, I'm not a dog person and though he is a really good dog most of the time, there are times when he really makes me nuts. My house has literally gone to the dog(s). That said, although Sparky has a walnut sized brain, he also has a king-sized heart. I love this little dog and he loves me totally and completely. Right up until the time David gets home, that is. *sigh*

Blessings,
Cat

There's Nothing to Do!

Oh, the good 'ole summer time. In May I was excitedly counting down the days with my kids. We were all so excited to be finished with school. I was daydreaming of staying up late and sleeping in. Of getting all of my stalled projects completed, Imagining all kinds of little day long adventures here and there. Museums, the zoo, etc. Weeeeell, that's not exactly how it's been playing out. David's been working non-stop and the kids don't seem to want to get out of their pajamas and into play clothes. My projects are still on hold and the house looks like a high powered explosive has been detonated leaving behind a massive fallout of toys and clothes and mismatched socks.

I can just hear you now: "Well come on, girl, get a move on...there's no time to waste. Summer will be over before you know it!" Yeah, yeah...I know. I should. Problem is, we all seem to be in the same lazy frame of mind around here so we're all enabling each other. Many mornings I've bounced eagerly out of bed (at 10am) and rubbed my hands together as I tried to motivate my troops. "Ok, kids...what are we going to do today? Want to go to the water park? How about the Children's Museum?" My kids: "Can't we just be lazy and then go fishing in the afternoon?" Of course here is where I should probably take the bull by the horns and say forcefully, "No, by golly, we are going to load up the car and head to the pool and have fun and get all sun screened and then sunburned anyway and waterlogged and have FUN whether you want to or not!" But alas, no. I can't bring myself to say it. It's just not in me to push it these days.

This is not to say that we aren't having fun. We are having a blast. Last weekend we did a little 'staycation' in Galveston at the San Luis resort. If you've never been, you should go. The pool is great and the service is impeccable. You should have seen our little diva, Mattie when the pool attendant came by with little cups of complimentary frozen grapes. She told him "Don't go too far away, please...I'll probably need lots more of these." Ha! We swam and swam then had dinner at The Steakhouse restaurant there at the resort. It's my absolute favorite local restaurant. Steaks that melt in your mouth. Yumm. Spent the evening poolside again then went to Rainforest Cafe the next day and it really felt like we were far away instead an hour's drive from home. Great times and wonderful memories of standing at the end of the jetty watching our kids commanding the waves to splash them or get bigger (the waves obeyed, thank you, God). Still...we were all eager to get back home.

As I'm writing this there is classical music tinkling quietly in the background and the kids are in various states of dress (boys barefoot in their PJ's and Mattie in a ridiculous pair of overalls and a tank top with sparkly silver sandals) outside fishing and playing in the sand pile. I served breakfast this morning to two medieval nights in full battle gear and one princess wearing a fancy tiara. (I was the serving wench complete with English accent, thank you very much). Tonight I'm planning an extensive fancy dinner consisting of grilled burgers, baked potatoes and corn on the cob. David may or may not be home in time for dinner. He'll be here when he gets here, I guess. The house is still a mess but all of the pertinent parts are clean. I haven't bothered to put in my contacts or put on makeup or in any way made the effort to be cute today. There's a beautiful freedom in the fact that I am just as loved with or without all of that. Hectic days with their schedules and demands will return. We'll be busy packing and planning for our vacation in Maine, soon. For now, though, it seems there is nothing to do.

Yep...I'm going to get right on it. :0)

Blessings,
Cat

Dave rocks! That's how he rolls...

Here it is...summer again. Honestly, I love summertime. Some of my favorite things about summer are: Having the kids home, staying up late and sleeping in, having no real structure to follow, watermelon, afternoon naps, fishing, and fireflies...etc. If it weren't for 100% humidity, mosquitoes, bickering children and sunburn, summer would be my favorite season. This year, though, something is missing from our usual summer fun. Daddy. David has been working a turnaround (a process where they shut down equipment, do required maintenance, and then re-start the equipment at chemical plants and refineries). This requires him to work constantly at weird times with hardly any time off. For the first month he worked nights only with no days off. It's getting (a little) better now and the end is in sight. I miss having him around. It makes me realize how much he does around here and how his contribution adds so much to the function of our every day lives. And I just miss him.

And so...I'm using this forum to heap praise and props on my husband. David being David, will hate this and it will make him profoundly uncomfortable. Me being me...I will do it anyway and hope he will recognize why I'm doing it and will find it in his heart to forgive me.

For those of you who know him, I'm sure you'll agree that God really outdid Himself when He came up with the idea of creating David. Guys like him are few and far between and I pinch myself often to be sure I'm not dreaming that I have been blessed with him as a husband and partner. David and I are living proof that not only do opposites attract, they work very well together, David is: Patient, pragmatic, easy-going, accomplished, conscientious, highly intelligent, strategic in his thinking, loving, thinks carefully before he speaks, is slow to anger and I've never (really, NEVER) heard him raise his voice in the 16 years that I've known him. Remarkably, he just doesn't have to. I, on the other hand, am a dreamer, am easily excitable, a creative thinker, very social, rarely know what I'm going to say until I've heard myself say it, get occasionally exasperated, have great ideas but lousy follow-through, have been known to raise my voice either in excitement or in anger and generally have the nervous system of a Chihuahua.

From day one, he has been the best friend I have ever known. He knows where I came from...my past failures and mistakes and yet he has always chosen to see the best in me. He has loved and prayed for me through difficult times of fear, pain and heartache. Through personal crises and losses. Through the roller coaster of infertility and the miracle births of our children. He is always there. Steady as a rock. My biggest fan and supporter. In some of my darkest days he has believed in me even when I wasn't sure if I believed in myself. He is nothing short of an amazing human being.

Once, early in our relationship, we were taking a walk near our Condo on Padre Island in Corpus Christi. I was going on and on about all of the great things I could see in our future. We were walking past these big, beautiful waterfront homes and I was excitedly babbling away saying things like: "I think we can have it all. The fairy tale...I love you that much! Our lives are going to be so great...(yadda, yadda...)" We walked along quietly, hand in hand, for a minute or so after that and then he said something to me that I will never forget. He said, "I'll tell you what, Cathy...you build the castle and I'll be the foundation." He says cool things like that.

Here we are many years later having just celebrated our 14th anniversary on May 24th. I feel like we have it all. By 'all' I mean most everything we have been praying and dreaming for. If it never gets any better than it is now...it's still way more than I'd hoped for. God has been so good to us. Notably, we have been really good to each other. That makes a big difference.

Father's Day is coming and I want to send a shout out to David Kingsbury!! If everyone had a dad like David the world would be a happier, more secure, more loving place. As Dads go, I can only think of one better. Our Father in heaven. David is a selfless, loving, fun and dedicated daddy to our kids. Even the dog is ridiculously devoted to him. We are blessed, indeed.

You may think I'm going to give David a big head with all of this gushing praise and attention. I'm not worried about that. He's not one to take on about himself...that's why I do it for him. :0)

Yes, summer is here. This weekend we will go to Galveston and then in August we're off to Maine for a couple of weeks. We all can't wait to have David back and to spend some family time together hiking around the shores of coastal Maine. Maine rocks! So does David. Happy summer, everyone!

Blessings, Cat

Why I Don't Care about AHH-nold Shwarzenegger....

I don't care about Arnold Shwarzenegger's publicly displayed mess. Sorry but I don't. It's all over the news and people seem fascinated and shocked by what they've heard. I'm not. Shocked, that is. Or fascinated or even interested (okay...maybe a little). What I am is sad. And if I'm honest, I'm just at a loss as to why this kind of thing has been happening since the dawn of mankind and somehow this particular lesson and all of it's ugly rammifications doesn't seem to penetrate.

It's so cliche. Man comes from humble beginnings. Man has a dream of making a better life. Man pulls himself up by his bootstraps and makes something of himself. Someone admires said man's determination and gives him an opportunity of a lifetime. Man climbs the ladder of fortune and fame. Man becomes celebrated for his success. Man appears to have 'it' all. Then...things start to unravel. Man starts to believe he really is larger than life. Man thinks he is entitled to instant gratification. Man decides that the rules don't apply to him. Man gets all into glorifying himself. Man starts walking all over the 'little people' and starts stepping into it big time....Classic.

I'm not saying any of this as a judgement, per se...just as an observer of this phenomenon of self destructive behavior. (Not to mention the collateral damage caused as well.) As an aside, I'm aware of the fact that there are many self destructive behaviors out there, some of which I have engaged in personally so just for the record, I know I'm in no position to be judgmental of anyone. This is just something that's on my mind because my husband, David and I were discussing the issue this morning and it started me thinking.

My opinion on this (which is worth exactly what you paid for it) is that we go wrong the instant we start taking on glory for ourselves. When we think "I did it all by myself'. If you think about it, do any of us really do anything of significance all by ourselves? No, not really. Everything we do, we learned from someone else. Either directly from them or by observing. Whether by good example or bad...we know what we know because of what someone else taught us. The problem starts when we start to get full of our own importance and we forget where we came from. It gets even worse when we start to believe that we are way more intelligent than everyone else and that we have all the right answers and we stop listening to or respecting each other altogether. But I digress...

If everyone would just do as they were told by God, life would be easier, it would make more sense and people would get along better. The 10 commandments are so simple. Jesus' teaching makes perfect sense. If we could only listen to the marketing folks over at Nike and
'Just Do It' when it comes to obeying God's word what a different world we would be living in. It would be better. No question.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking...In making these statements, I am saying that I have all the right answers and am not taking into consideration the spiritual beliefs or philosophies of others. Not true. I respect other people's right to believe whatever they choose. I'm only saying that the teachings of the Bible which I believe in ABSOLUTELY make good sense and are what I believe to be the optimal framework for humans to get along with each other in a civilized way.

If you don't want me to go all spiritual and biblical on you, here's another way to look at it: ~Think with your brain and only with your brain. That is the only organ in your body you should be using to help make your decisions. Treat the people around you the way you want to be treated and don't be selfish.~ There you go.

Give God all the Glory. Human beings were not created to contain glory. All one needs to do to realize this is to look at the lives of celebrities. Or look through some history books at the lives of kings and queens and royalty through the ages. Or Tiger Woods. Having done that, I suppose we could say that Ahh-nold is in 'good' company. Maybe I'll even cut him some slack. Maybe. ;0)

Blessings,
Cat

Guilt-Free Parenting (and other Oxymorons)

The title is a teaser. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as guilt-free parenting. I was just trying to lure you in. For me, feeling guilty or questioning myself at times is practically impossible to avoid. When my children were babies it was pretty much centered around whether I was doing everything 'right' or 'good enough'. If they cried I would feel like I should know what they needed and if I couldn't figure it out, I would really get upset with myself. I remember once we were driving from Decatur to Mobile, Alabama to visit some friends. Patrick was about 6 months old and he was crying non-stop for a couple of hours. We tried everything we could think of to comfort him but he just wasn't having it. I was so beside myself that I had David pull over at a gas station so I could hold him and nurse him. (Patrick, not David) HA! He immediately calmed down and we discovered that there was a buckle turned sideways underneath the padding of the car seat that had been poking him. When we had put the car seat into the rental car it had gotten turned around and we couldn't see it. Talk about a guilt trip!! I still get chills when I think about it. My poor baby. And that was just the beginning. Then the twins came along and, well, that was all she wrote...

As the kids get older, the occasions for experiencing parental guilt seem to be growing with the same frequency and intensity as Lindsay Lohan's wrap sheet.(Sorry...couldn't help myself). I hate to admit the number of times I find myself in a state of rewind at the end of the day, reviewing decisions I've made or things I've said and wishing I could have a do-over. Is it just me or do you find yourself doing that, too?

My husband tells me that I am too hard on myself. He's right, of course. It's almost annoying how often he is right. The thing is, like a lot of people I have come out of a pretty dysfunctional upbringing and I'm just really determined to do it better than my parents did. My kids deserve nothing less than my very best effort and that's what they're getting. Most of the time. Then there are the days when I'm tired, overwhelmed, hormonal...whatever...and I find myself short of patience and wisdom. Then, horror of horrors, I turn into my mother for a few minutes and all of my attempts to model June Cleaver go by the wayside. Sigh.
And then comes the guilt. Sort of a vicious cycle.

So, I have resolved to be more forgiving of myself. The kids are alive and well, nurtured and well cared for and at the end of the day, are pretty happy little people. They are not perfect. They are messy and the three of them can't remember to pick up their clothes and toys after being reminded a kozillion times. I pick my battles and hope for the best. I pray I'll do right by them and they will grow into healthy and thriving doctors or teachers or whatever makes them happy. I pray they will be peaceful loving members of society. I will try not to feel too guilty if they get in trouble or lose their way. I love the quote that when you have children, a piece of your heart is removed and is walking around outside your body. It's so true. It's also true that they belong first to Almighty God, second, to themselves and are temporarily in my charge for care and safekeeping. What an awesome and miraculous gift. I pray I leave them with a legacy of love that continues for generations to come.

So, this post is almost done. (Almost done is an oxymoron, too.) "Oxymoron is defined as: a figure of speech by which a locution produces an incongruous, seemingly self-contradictory effect, as in "cruel kindness" or "to make haste slowly."Since I mentioned other oxymorons in the title, I'll leave you with a few of my favorites:

guilt-free parenting
awfully good
amicable divorce
jumbo shrimp
boneless ribs
click the start button to shut down
anxious patient
clear as mud
civil disobedience
crash landing
controlled enthusiasm

I could go on and on but I'll spare you for now. I copied those from a fun website you can check out if you like having fun with words and language like I do. www.oxymoronlist.com
I've been known to spend hours online looking up random stuff like this. To waste more time in pursuit of random fun, try stumbleupon.com but I wouldn't recommend doing it right before bedtime or you'll be up all night. Wouldn't want you to feel guilty for wasting time, now would we? :0)

Have fun, take it easy on yourself and be blessed.

Cat